


Missing Person Report

by trebleDeath



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Adoption, Delusions, F/M, Gen, M/M, Modern AU, Multi, Neglect, Paranoia, Personality Disorders, Sci-Fi, Science Fiction, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Self Harm, Spoilers, Transphobia, Unrequited, Unrequited Love, family au, graphic depections of gore, mentions of past neglect
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 10:58:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 23,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13809765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trebleDeath/pseuds/trebleDeath
Summary: Lup has a habit of disappearing, Taako is used to dealing with this. But what happens when it's not just Lup's free natured spirit and actually the real deal? And what happens when she comes back, affectively disturbing Taako's rebuilt life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> oso i'm finall writting fanfiction again. i have an idea of where this will go, but it might be another failed fanfiction. bt i'm writing this because a fem spirk fanfic has inspired me to try out different stles and m roommmate is listening to TAZ so I'm listening to it again.

Taako was stirring a pot of oatmeal in the kitchen, cut up fruit lying in a bowl on the counter. Neither of those things required more than one chemical change, just the way he liked it. Angus was likely upstairs sleeping, and maybe Kravitz was too. 

That assumption was disproved as the taller man came up and looped his toned arms around Taako’s waist. “You’re up early.”

He hummed, letting a lazy smile take over his face. “I wanted to make breakfast. You’re up early too.”

He shrugged, “I have work.”

Taako pouted and twisted around his his arms. Throwing his arms around Kravitz’s neck, he spoke, “Do you really have to go?”

He chuckled, “There’s no rest for the weary, huh?”

His pout grew, “You mean there’s no rest for a mortician.” Leaning up, he kissed his boyfriend’s cold lips. “Be safe, okay?”

Kravitz grinned, “What am I going to do that’s dangerous?”

Taako shrugged, “I don’t know. You work with chemicals. Don’t burn yourself or make chlorine gas or anything.”

He chuckled, “Babe, I know you’re being serious, but you could just as easily make chlorine gas here as I could with my professional chemicals.”

The playful pout fell off his face, “Vinegar and bleach…” he trailed off before looking back to Kravitz. “Then you should tell me to be safe too.”

“Okay. Be safe.” He kissed him once more before pulling away from Taako. “I’m off then.” He grabbed a handful of fruit from the bowl and left. 

Angus was up soon after that. He was rubbing his eyes, pushing up his glasses as he did so. “Good morning sir.”

Taako grinned at him, “Ango, it’s been three months. Are you ever going to call me something other than sir?”

He gave a sheepish grin, “I don’t want to call you your first name. My grandpa always said you should never call someone by their first name unless you’re older than them or make more money.”

He rolled his eyes, “Your grandpa was also a neglectful piece of shit who deserves to be—” he cut himself off and grinned at the boy, “He doesn't deserve a sweet kid like you. Oatmeal?” He held up the pot of now cooked oatmeal as if that would distract the eight year old.

He nodded, “Yes, sir. That would be great.”

Nodding, Taako served the boy breakfast. The rest of morning went by well enough, and before he knew it Angus was on the school bus and he was left alone. The rest of the day was uneventful until the boy came home. 

Only when he was sitting at the kitchen table, pretending to help Angus with his homework, thinking about how good life was that things fell off the wall. It was only a phone call that did that. 

Normally, Taako wouldn’t answer an unknown number, but he was feeling adventurous--or a bit manic as some people would say. If it was a telemarketer, it would be fun to dick around with them. If it was a scam, he could hang it up and laugh it off. Either way, he answered it.

“Hello, this is the road-kill grill: you kill ‘em, we grill ‘em. Tell me, what did you run over?” He grinned as he looked over at Angus who was giggling.

There was a soft laugh on the other side of the line before a woman spoke, “That’s pretty cute, Taako.”

His voice faltered, “Uh, I’m sorry. Who?”

“Taako? Did I get the number wrong?”

“Uh,” He cleared his throat. “No, no. This is Taako. May I ask who is calling?”

There was a pause, “You don’t recognize the voice of your own sister?”

Suddenly, her chest felt tight. “Lup?”

Another pause, though this time, when the woman spoke, her voice sounded happier, though still hesitant. “Yeah. Is this a good time to talk?”

“Uh,” he glanced over to Angus who had occupied himself with his homework, but he undoubtedly was listening. “I guess, I’m helping my kid with homework, but I suppose he can do it on his own.”

“Kid? I didn’t think that you were the type of person to get kids.” 

He huffed, “And I didn’t think you were the type of person to run off the grid.” 

“It’s only been a few years.”

“Seven isn't a few! So thanks for the seven years where I seriously doubted my fucking sanity. What the fuck were you thinking Lup?”

She audibly sucked in a breath, “Ouch. You have a kid in the room, right? Stop cussing.”

“He’s heard fucking worse.” At this point, fuck would be every other word he used. “Just tell me what you were thinking.”

A half laugh, half cough came from Lup’s end. “I don’t know what you’re asking.”

“Yeah, you fucking do. Why didn’t you tell me what you were doing?”

“Because I didn’t know if you could keep a secret.”

Taako huffed in turn, “What do you mean I can’t keep a secret?”

“I didn’t say that, but I dare you to name one secret you haven’t told anyone.”

“Well, I haven’t told anyone that--this is a fucking trick.” He pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at Angus. “Go finish your homework in your room, okay pumpkin?”

The young boy nodded, “Okay sir.” Grabbing his papers, he scurried off.

Once he was out of sight, Taako spoke again. “I haven’t told anyone about the dick you used to have. Or that I have a fucking sister. My fucking boyfriend and kid think I’m an only child.”

She opted to ignore the comment on her gender. “Kay, well that’s your fault. You could have said something.”

“No. I couldn’t. Because anytime I would mention it to Merle or Magnus or even fucking Lucretia, they’d all just frown and change the subject, like they didn’t know what was going on.”

“Yeah? Maybe they thought I was fucking dead and didn’t want to broach the awkward topic of talking about your dead sister.”

“Well you’re not dead!” By then, Taako had stood up and was pacing the room. 

“You thought I was.”

“You don’t know that. I went months thinking you weren’t dead. How could my sister die?”

She sighed, “Listen, I only called because I missed you and wanted you to know I’m coming back to Huntington. I didn’t think you’d be so mad? You know what, it doesn’t even matter anymore.”

“Yeah? Well you should have expected this. But don’t think I’ll let you stay with me when you do finally fucking show back up!”

Had his phone been a landline, he would have slammed it down on the receiver, but seeing as it was a cellphone--not even a flip phone--he had to pull it away from his ear and hang up on her angrily. 

Once he was alone with his thoughts he was seething. It wasn’t even that justifiable. Just something about the impulsive mood he was in combined with his rage and hurt lead him to destruction. 

The first thing he did was throw his phone down on the ground to break it completely. The next closest object was a bookshelf sporting not only books, but also a vase or two. 

He picked up the first one and threw it in a beautiful arc. It landed with a decidedly unsatisfactory crash. It wasn’t enough damage. Using all the strength granted to him by his adrenaline, he shoved his hands behind the shelf and pulled. It came falling down with a dull thud accompanied by the flutter and shatter of all the books.

It still wasn’t enough. He brought his foot down on the back of the shelf, punching through the flimsy particle board that held it together. Stomping on past the shelf and through the room, he reached the kitchen.

There, he flung open a drawer to grab a pair of scissors. Holding them with the blades as far apart as they could go, he stormed back to the living room where he had been pacing and drew the scissors across the pillows and cushions. When that wasn’t enough force to cut, he started stabbing and slashing each pillow individually. Then, tossing the scissors aside he ripped apart the pillows and threw out the stuffing. And on he went.

It still wasn’t enough! The chairs were thrown around, one was probably broken. The living room was absolutely dismantled, there were shards of pottery and dishes everywhere. But it wasn’t enough. 

Picking up the discarded scissors, he held them as before, with the blades as far apart as they would go, effectively making a sharp edge he held on to. This time, his grip was enough to raise weeping red lines across his right hand. Then, with the blade still in his hand, he plunged the tip into his left hand.

“It doesn’t fucking matter, does it!?” What had been an internal monologue had effectively became words he shouted as unbidden tears streamed down his flushed cheeks and Kravitz walked in through the front door. 

It must have only been three in the afternoon, but there he was, standing in the door, starting at Taako, surrounded by his mess. Slowly, his dark eyes traveled to the scissors protruding from both sides in his hand. 

Taako’s mind was running a mile a minute. But, before either man could say anything, the blond leaned forward, throwing up a mouth full of bile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm glad y'all like this so far. but, bad news, we don't get a continuation of the story yet. like i said, an authour i like write a story i like a certain way, using court transcripts, video transcripts and so forth. i decided to try it out. it gived the reader a good idea of the characters as well as the past. so anything happening in real time will be un italicized. anway, hope you enjoy

_HPD: This is the Huntington Police Department. How can I help you?_

_Caller: Hi, um yeah. I’d like to report a missing person, or I guess just fill out a missing person form._

_HPD: Allright sir. Would you like to come in to the station so we can get you sorted out?_

_Caller: Nah. I’ve done this before, I know it’s not really necessary. You guys just like to be there to make sure I’m not a creep and so you can comfort me or some shit. Anyway, what information do you need?_

_HPD: Let’s start with your name and age?_

_Caller: Taako Taaco—_

_HPD:You’ve got to be kidding me._

_Taako: No, it’s real. It’s spelled T-A-A-K-O T-A-A-C-O and I’m 21. Look me up if you don’t believe me._

_HPD: Allright...Taako. I’ve found your file, and I can NOT believe your name is actually Taako._

_TT: Yeah, I get that a lot. Anyway, what else do you need?”_

_HPD: Oh. uh. Who are you filling a report for?”_

_TT: My sister Lup, do you guys have her information saved or do I need to like, tell you again._

_HPD: Again?_

_TT: Yeah, I’ve done this before. If you look, there should have four missing person reports filed by me, all closed._

_HPD: You keep losing the same person?_

_TT: Not lose, just missing. [chuckling] she’s a real scamp. Anyway, what do you want to know about her?_

_HPD: I think we have all the information about her. Does a 21 year old woman with wavy blonde hair and pink tips, about 5’10 and brown eyes sound right to you?_

_TT: Yeah, Anything else?_

_HPD: How long has she been missing?_

_TT: Not long. About a month I think? She just usually texts or something by now. I think once she sees another missing person report for her it will scare her into calling. [chuckling]_

_HPD: Okay sir, that’s all. We’ll contact you if we need any information or find anything. Is this an okay number to contact?_

_TT: Yeah, this works. Talk to you later._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if any of you know me, you know m update schedules are inconsistent. but, i think i have a handle on it now. i've written a lot before hand since i'm not worried about word count right now. so, maybe one chap a day until i catch up?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i keep messing up the ages things happen at. so, i've decided that it's twelve years after they worked together, and six years ago taako was working on his shower, now he's current;y working for a private business run by lucretia

 

_ [Transcript from the Case of Taako Taaco versus the Barry ‘Bluejeans’ Hallwinter concerning the disappearance and possible murder of Lup Taaco.] _

_ Ryan Roller (Counsel): Can you state your name and occupation for the court? _

_ Taako Taaco: Uh, my name is Taako Taaco, you know, from TV? I am currently a host for a show on the food network, it’s called  _ Sizzlin’ it Up With Taako.  _ [The defendant winks and a few people in the audience yell out.] _

_ C: Allright, Mr. Taaco, what is your relation to the plaintiff? _

_ TT: Uh, no relation. We worked together and he was going to be my brother in law, but that fell through. _

_ C: But you do know him, correct? _

_ TT: Uh yeah. We were actual coworkers on a few things before he started dating my sister. _

_ C: Can you tell me what kind of man Barry is? _

_ [Defendant rolls his eyes and leans back in his chair on the stand] _

_ TT: Professionally, he’s a hardworking man who doesn’t stop until he has a solution, and is a creative thinker. He was polite when we worked together if not a bit gruff. Personally, he’s a spineless coward who’s too self absorbed and an absolute dick. _

_ C: Can you tell me why you think this? _

_ TT: Yeah! He comes in here, fucking accusing me of killing my sister, who I loved more than his white ass ever did! _

_ C: Sir, calm down. What can you tell me about Lup? _

_ [The defendant shrugs] _

_ TT: She’s a fun loving person who is a little impulsive and she won’t admit it, but she has an inherent mistrust for most people. In fact, I’d say I’m one of the few people she trusts and the  _ only  _ one who she trusts fully. _

_ C: Thank you Mr. Taaco. Can you tell me about the last day you saw Lup? _

_ TT: Fuck, I don’t know. It was maybe three months ago? It was the beginning of the month, maybe the third or fourth, and in late fall. I remember because I was going to give her until the end of the month before I filed a missing persons report after not seeing her. And, I was worried about the weather turning bad. Back then, we still shared an apartment and she was going out to spend time with Barry, her fiance. I told her to text me when she got there, but I never got a text. _

_ C: Mr. Taaco, you don’t seem very upset about the disappearance of your sister. _

_ [Defendant gives another shrug.] _

_ TT: That’s not a question, my dude. I don’t have to say shit. _

_ C: All right. Will you tell me why you seem unconcerned with the disappearance and possible murder of your sister.  _

_ TT: I don’t know why you’re still hung up on it being a murder. She’s probably not even dead. Lup is just like that. So, I guess that’s why I’m not sad. _

_ C: And you are aware that our sister’s body was found, correct? _

_ TT: I— No. I thought Barold was just accusing me for the fun of it.  _

_ C: I’m sorry you had to find out this way. You said you and your sister worked together? _

_ TT: Yeah, we both worked on spaceship building. It sounds stupid, but I was the chemist aboard and she was the post mortem biologist and ignition specialist.  _

_ C: So you two didn’t work in the same field.  _

_ TT: No, but we did go to school together and graduate together.  _

_ C: But, you wouldn’t advance in your career if she were out of the way.  _

_ TT: No, absolutely not. I actually changed careers after that; I have an affinity for cooking, and well… _

_ C: No more questions. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and finally we get back on track with the story. some of yall are concerned now, but let me tell you, it gets a lot worse,

Taako was sitting in the passenger seat of Kravitz’s black car. Angus was in the backseat, practically bawling. 

“I’m s-sorry sir. You just sounded so upset, I didn’t mean to make it w-worse.” He sniffled and likely rubbed at his face. 

Taako sighed, “It’s fine boobalah. I have a headache, can you please be quiet?”

Kravitz hummed softly in agreeance from the driver’s seat. “I must say though, Angus. I’m glad you contacted me, but your dad is coming down from an adrenaline high.”

“Is it g-gonna be all okay?”

Kravitz nodded and glanced back at him, “Yes. We can start cleaning up when we get back from the emergency clinic.”

Taako huffed from his seat, “If it’s all going to be fine, why are we going to the clinic?”

“Someone’s grumpy…”

“My hand fucking hurts, Krav.”

He just chuckled at that, “I know. It’s just a precaution, I don’t want to let all the blood out of an artery if that’s what you nicked. Plus, you need to get it cleaned.”

He hummed, “Have you ever seen those cool ass piercings that go all the way through someone’s hand, or like under bone and shit? Think I can get one?”

“Absolutely not, you’ll get it infected again.” 

He managed a small laugh, though his eyes closed, “My ears turned out fine, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Hearing the banter happening in the front seats, Angus’ sobs quieted. 

Soon enough, the small party reached the clinic and they headed in. The scene of a pair of scissors stabbed through a man’s hand quickly got them to the front of the line. The woman sitting at the desk looked at him with wide eyes. 

“Hi, my name is Taako, you may know me from TV—”

She cut him off, “Oh yeah! I watched your trial on TV, pretty interesting stuff.”

He sighed, “No questions or pictures please. I just want this damn thing out of my hand.”

She nodded, “Okay. Here’s some paperwork for you to fill out.” She handed over a paper on a clipboard. 

Taako didn’t take it, he just glanced up at Kravitz who was standing next to him. 

“Babe, you still have one hand. Take it.”

Pouting, Taako help up his right hand were a few bandaids had been stuck across his fingers. 

“Oh my god, you’re pathetic.” He spoke with a smile though, and took the clipboard. He kissed Taako’s temple as he did so and lead him off to the sitting area where Angus was sitting. 

Taako leaned his head against Kravitz and told him all of his medical information. The man listened patiently and wrote down everything. 

It only took twenty or so minutes before a doctor saw him, pulled out the scissor blade and assessed the wound. No artery was nicked, but the tendons in his hand were a bit worse for ware and a few bones were shattered from the pressure. 

By the time they got home, Angus had cried himself out and grown just as tired as Taako had. That was how Taako ended up curled up on the couch with Angus resting his precious head on his shoulder in what must be a very uncomfortable napping position. 

Kravitz—the dear—was working on cleaning up the room. Taako at least stayed awake to entertain him. “I’m looking at pictures of hand piercings, and man are they cool. I could get a wedding ring put into the skin on my finger.”

The man’s head shot up, “Wedding ring?”

Taako shook his head, “Hypothetically. I’m not trying to push the gay agenda or rush into things, and I understand if you want to go slow. Besides, I don’t really believe in marriage.”

“Why not?”

“I knew a guy who I still think maybe he killed his fiancee.” He frowned right after that, “Actually. Nevermind.”

“No, what?” He got up from picking up shards of porcelain and moved to sit on the other side of Taako. 

“I— it’s not really anything.”

“No, I want to hear, even if it is nothing.” He leaned in to kiss Taako, and he gladly reciprocated. 

“I’ve been to court twice now, right? One was actually for the murder of my sister—”

Kravitz cut him off. “You have a sister? We’ve been dating for what, ten months and you haven’t told me?”

Taako shrugged, “I’m not trying to keep anything from you. I just, kind of….you know how I have delusions?”

“Yeah. Are you still on your medication for that?”

He scoffed, “It barely works, but yeah.”

“I’m proud,” he kissed his temple before letting him continue his story. 

“Anyway, I guess I kind of convinced myself through delusions that maybe I never had a sister. Maybe I made her up and only after I got on medication did I realize that. I mean, think. There's no evidence of her.”

“What do you mean?”

He sighed, “Well, we moved around a lot when we were young, so any pictures of us as kids were lost, or she destroyed them since she hated how she looked. And I don’t have an pictures of her now, or if i do, I mistook them as me. I guess I went to trial for her murder, but I repressed or forgot about it. The only person who ever cared about her as much as I did was her fiance, and he’s in jail for murder. I guess we can be grateful that West Virginia doesn’t have the death penalty.”

Kravitz raised a brow, “And why are we glad? Wouldn’t you want your sister’s killer dead?”

Taako blinked before exclaiming, “Oh! That’s what I forgot to say. She just called me. She went off the grid, but I guess she’s bored and coming back?”

Kravitz nodded, “Okay. Well, you must be excited.”

“No, I’m fucking pissed!” It seemed that only then did he remember his anger. “We used to tell eachother everything. She told me when she entered into a suicide pact with her boyfriend, and when she beat my highscore on our tests. I told her I was gay and all sorts of crap. And then she acts like she can just walk back into m life! I though she was fake, or worse, dead!”

Another nod, “I can see why that’s upsetting. I’m going to get going, but you should call Magnus, he can help with some of the cleanup and rebuilding.”

Taako nodded, “Phone’s broken, but I’ll skype him. Why are you leaving, babe?”

“I left the morgue in a hurry to get to you, so I’ll make up the hours. And it’ll be late by the time I finish. I’ll just let you and Angus rest.”

He nodded, “Okay.”

With Taako’s approval, he got up from the couch and headed to leave, only to be stopped by a soft call. 

“Love you. Sorry for being this way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> question time! who do you really think killed Lup?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here's what happened to barold bluejeans. his official last name is hallwinter (as it was originallyy going to be) because no person would have bluejeans as a last name
> 
> anyway, sorry for my weird characterization.

 

_[Transcript from the case of Taako Taaco versus Barry ‘bluejeans’ Hallwinter concerning the disappearance and possible murder or Lup Taaco.]_

_Ryan Roller (Counsel): Mr. Hallwinter—_

_Barry Hallwinter: Please, if you’re going to call me mister anything, call me Mr. Bluejeans._

_[Plaintiff gives a nervous chuckle, counsel looks irritated]_

_C: That is not your legal name. As I was saying, Mr. Hallwinter, what is your occupation?_

_BH: Uh, until recently, I was an employee for NASA, specifically a branch called the IPRE which is the Institute of Planetary Research and Exploration. I was a, uh, a scientist on the team. I focused in biology, more specifically post-mortem and xeno biology. But, that group disbanded and I’m currently a freelancer._

_C: So, unemployed?_

_BH: I— I guess you could say that._

_C: So as an unemployed man, or a freelancer, you have a lot of time on your hands, right?_

_BH: Well, actually, I’m working a lot on some stop motion, it’s been what comforted me since my fiancee is—_

_C: But that’s not an obligation. You have more free time than Mr. Taaco does, correct?_

_BH: Wait, are you trying to say that_ I’m _the one behind Lup’s death?_

_C: Answer the question, Mr. Hallwinter._

_[Plaintiff sighs]_

_BH: Yes, I guess I do._

_C: Can you remind us the last time you saw Ms. Taaco?_

_BH: Uh, yeah. It was indeed the third of November, and she showed up at my apartment. She had the key so she just walked in and I said hi, we kissed and then she said she wanted to go on a hike. She really loved nature, so it made sense. She asked me to join her, but I said no. I—I’m not the fittest and I don’t like nature so I said no. She gave me her engagement ring just so she wouldn’t lose it since she’s a bit too active at times. And then she walked out. It’s fitting, I guess, that her last words to me were ‘good bye, I love you’._

_[Plaintiff is teary eyed]_

_C: Do you have anyway to remember your fiance?_

_BH: Uh, yeah._

_[Plaintiff sniffles but pulls out a chain with a woman’s ring on it.]_

_BH (cont.): Like I said, she gave me this before she left._

_C: And you were the one to find the body, right??_

_BH: Uh, yeah. She told me where she was hiking and I looked all over that area for the past two months._

_C: You didn’t look earlier?_

_BH: Well, like Taako and I said, she disappeared a lot. Not ever longer than a month, but usually a week. So I wasn’t concerned too much._

_C: The coroner's report says that you were the one to find the body and even helped with the autopsy._

_BH: Yeah, I know some post mortem biology so I helped out._

_C: So you noticed the chemical burns and acid marks on the body. Would you say you’re capable of creating and handling chemicals that would create such an effect?_

_BH: I guess, but chemistry isn’t my specialty._

_C: But you could do that. And you saw and were intimate with the body. As such, did you notice the engagement ring on the left hand of the corpse?_

_BH: No, I’m not sure what you’re talking about._

_[Counsel holds up a picture, showing it to the jury and to the plaintiff. It is of the corpse and there is a ring on the left hand.]_

_BH: Okay, but like, that’s not the ring I bought her._

_C: Isn’t it? Isn’t it possible that you bought a replacement ring as a red herring after forgetting about the original?_

_BH: This is—_

_C: Answer the question Mr. Hallwinter._

_BH: I guess, yeah._

_C: Final question. You had a motive to kill Lup, right?_

_BH: I don’t know what you mean._

_C: Ms. Taaco was also a post mortem specialist, right? And you two were working on the same project at the IPRE, right? If she died, you would have been the only specialist on the team and guaranteed a spot on the mission, correct?_

_BH: Yeah, but—_

_C: No more questions._

_[Defendant, Taako Taaco stands up from his spot.]_

_TT: Yeah! You fucking do have more questions! Ask him if he ever actually loved my sister! Ask him if he’s a coward! Ask him what the fuck is his deal?_

_[Judge bangs her gavel, and issues a five minute recess.]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> question time: what's your opinion on barry?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this will be the last court transcription. they show a lot of what happened, but i'm sure it's getting boring for you

_[A transcription from the case of Taako Taaco versus Barry ‘Bluejeans’ Hallwinter concerning the disappearance and possible murder of Lup Taaco]_

_Stephan Ó Ceallaigh, Counsel: You said that you were unaware of the coroners report made of the corpse found, correct?_

_Taako Taaco: That’s accurate. I haven’t seen it._

_C: Well, in that case, can you please read the highlighted section of this report?_

_[Counsel hands defendant several pieces of paper, a highlighted paper on top.]_

_TT: Corpse is believed to be the body of Lup Taaco as it matches the height and description listed on a missing person report filed three months ago. Body sustained light abrasions, but no stab marks were found on bones or in tissue. The face and most neck and arm skin were burned via chemical or acid. Chunks of hair missing and body unrecognizable except measurements and remaining, pink tipped hair._

_C: Did you catch that? Acid and chemical burns. You’re a chemist, Mr. Taako. I’m sure you’re perfectly capable of creating such burns, are you not?_

_TT: I am, but I wouldn’t._

_C: But you could. Without burning yourself or leaving any other harm?_

_TT: I guess._

_C: Mr. Taaco, can you tell me about your relationship with your sister?_

_TT: There’s not much to say, really. I mean, we were siblings and she was my best friend._

_C: Can I get a little more, please. Where did you two stand in terms of trust?_

_TT: I trusted her and I’m pretty damn sure she trusted me. We told each other everything._

_C: So you told her when you were diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder and psychosis?_

_TT: I mean, yes. I did tell her, but not all of those diagnoses were accurate._

_C: Oh? Can you tell me which ones are accurate and which ones aren’t?_

_TT: Definitely NPD is inaccurate. I’m narcissistic, but I don’t have that personality disorder. Same with histrionic. I don’t show all the traits to be have actual BPD, just like the others. If anything in that list is accurate, it’s psychosis but very mildly. Why does this matter?_

_C: I’ll ask the questions, thank you. What makes you qualified to say which disorders you do or don’t have?_

_TT: I’m not qualified, which is why it’s stupid you’re asking me instead of a mental health specialist or even better, my therapist._

_C: So you are seeing a therapist?_

_TT: Not regularly, but Lup wanted me to go._

_C: And why would she want you to go?_

_[defendant shrugs]_

_TT: She wanted a lot of weird things, like to marry fucking Barold over there._

_C: Aside from that, would it be safe to say that she saw you displaying concerning behaviors and traits and wanted you to get help?_

_TT: I guess._

_C: And what might those traits be?_

_[Defendant sighs and rolls his eyes]_

_TT: Night terrors, persecutory delusions, inflated sense of self worth, low empathy, low emotional responses other than anger, trouble creating meaningful relations, acting and dressing in an eccentric way, wanting to be the center of attention, kleptic episodes, manic episodes, low impulse control and so forth._

_C: And are this your understanding of yourself?_

_TT: No. I’m just spitting back to you what I’ve been told and what a mental health specialist would tell you. If I had to describe myself, I’d say I’m rightfully full of myself and eccentric, and maybe not a good person, but not crazy. In fact, I’d say that’s what makes me exciting._

_C: Allright, have you ever been convicted or arrested of a crime relating to any of these traits?_

_TT: No. Can we stop talking about my ‘traits’?_

_[Defendant used air quotes around the word ‘traits’]_

_C: Allright, let’s talk about your sister. Have you ever showed violent tendencies to her?_

_TT: No. She’s my best friend and favorite person, and I’ve never been violent or really hostile towards her. I would never hurt her._

_C: You and your sister never received formal education, did you?_

_TT: A few years of elementary school, but other than that, not really. We did attend university together though._

_C: And how did you manage that?_

_TT: We both got full ride scholarships after completing a placement test that acted in place of a GED._

_C: You must have gotten high scores for that._

_TT: We did._

_C: But it says here that your sister got higher scores on than you. You knew, correct? And did you harbour any negative feelings against her for this._

_TT: I knew, but I didn’t and still don’t hold that against her or harbour any negative feelings against her._

_C: Were there any other instances in your life that might have made you feel inadequate when compared to your sister._

_TT: No._

_C: You say this, but a common occuring theme in the disorders you may or may not have is a feeling of inadequacy, even if masked by narcissism. Is it possible that you feel this when compared to your sister, even if you won’t admit this to yourself._

_TT: I mean, it’s possible but I don’t feel like that._

_C: Well, isn’t it true that with your sister out of the way, no one would be able to make you feel inadequate again? Or that you could have killed her out of blind anger at her for being better?_

_TT: No. I’m not answering any further questions._


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops, late chapter today. finally we get some other characters in here.

Taako was still curled up on the couch when Magnus and Merle walked in the next morning. He had stayed there almost permanently. Though, he did get up to microwave some leftovers for Angus then tuck him into bed. 

Luckily, the kid could wake himself up and get on the bus in time. 

Taako wasn’t thinking about his sweet, sweet boy when the men walked into the room. Though, Magnus’ voice pulled him out of his thoughts. 

“Wow, you sounded bad over skype, but you look worse in person. You haven't even changed out of yesterday’s clothes.”

His head whipped around to glare at Magnus. It was an undeserved glare, but a glare nonetheless. “You don’t know that!”

“Hey, don’t get upset. I’m not implying you’re any less beautiful, just that you have some bags under your eyes and your hair is greasy, and you have some blood on your shirt. Probably from your wound.” He gestured at the gauze wrapped around his hand. 

He shook his head, “This one didn't bleed. I cut my fingers lightly yesterday,” he held up his right hand, “It bled a lot for a shallow wound.”

“Do you want me to look at it?” Merle stepped out from behind the behemoth of a man. 

“No, it’s all good. Besides, you’re not a real doctor.” He stuck out his tongue before. 

Merle chuckled, “Okay, that’s fine. We can pray about it then, if you want.”

Taako shook his head, “That’s not going to do anything. I’m going to go shower since apparently I look like shit.” He stood up and promptly fell over; his legs had fallen asleep and refused to work. 

He picked himself off the floor, a light blush dusting his face as he promptly stormed off to shower. 

Luckily, it was his left hand that was wrapped and awaiting a split. He could still shower and apply makeup with his right. 

When Taako actually came out of the bathroom and back to the living room where he had left his two coworkers, he had a fresh face of makeup and was outfitted with a fluffy robe. Resuming his curled up position on the torn up couch, he just sat and watched. 

Magnus spoke up first as he lifted the bookcase from the floor. “Is this from Ikea? You know I could just make you a shelf. It would be harder to break or tip over.”

He snorted, “Yeah, but that takes longer than Ikea. Besides, could you make a minimalistic design that compliments my Ikea couch?”

“Yeah. But,” he turned to look at Merle, “when has Taako ever been about minimalism. He’s probably like something out of rosewood with a lot of components from gothic architecture and furniture.”

Merle chuckled, “You make everything out of rosewood. He’d probably choose the hardest wood to work with.”

Taako allowed himself to smile a bit, “True. I’d choose mahogany or something.”

Magnus at least reciprocated that grin, “Consider it done. I can’t do anything for your couch though.”

The group fell into silence as Magnus and Merle picked up the house. In the end, the couch and broken shelf were put on the street curb, courtesy of Magnus. All of Taako’s chemistry and cook books were stacked and mixed with his cheesy romance novels. A few of the dining room tables were moved into the den where the three sat, watching pirated re-runs of Taako’s cooking show. The food network no longer showed any of the old episodes due to the scandal so Taako had to download them through vaguely sketchy sources.

Magnus suffered through half an episode, “Are you sure you want to watch this? It makes me sad.”

Taako shrugged, “It only makes you sad because you’re thinking about it in comparison to today. Look at how beautiful I was, how happy I was. Doesn't it make you happy to see that this once existed?”

Merle shrugged from the other side of Taako, “You always seemed really sad when you were filming those. But you were too busy or too proud to say anything or I guess feel anything.”

He huffed, “Okay, if I wasn’t happy in my fifteen minutes of fame, then when I will I ever be happy?”

Merle shrugged, and out of the corner of his eye, Taako could see Magnus shaking his head. Nevertheless, Merle spoke, “You seemed happy when we were still working for the IPRE, before that got disbanded. You were actually doing something with your intellect.”

“Maybe, but I also used my intellect when we worked for the Bureau of Balance.”

“Yeah, but that only lasted a year, and you still didn’t have your sister.”

Taako blinked owlishly, not noticed the stink eye Magnus was giving Merle. It took a moment, but he responded. “So. You two… knew?”

“No, I mean. None of us knew how she died until that report came out about her.”

Another moment. “I thought I was crazy.”

“What do you mean?” Magnus jumped in.

“No one ever said—” He cut himself off, “Never mind, it’s stupid.”

He shook his head, “No, I get it. When Julia died, no one said anything about her, just an occasional ‘I’m so sorry for your loss.’ But it was better than them telling me about how good of a person she was. I’d just cry at that.”

Taako fell silent. There was not much to say in response to that, not anything that would make sense. So, he just watched the miraculously undamaged TV. After a while, he spoke, “Do you guys remember Barry?”

Magnus beamed t that, “Yeah! Of course! I liked him, how could I forget him.”

Merle nodded in agreement, but Taako just shrugged. “Have you visited him lately?”

Magnus shrugged, “I guess. I get calls from him occasionally, but I haven’t visited him lately.”

“I actually saw him last week. He’s doing well!” Merle paused before continuing, “Why do you ask? Do you want me to drive you down to see him?”

He shook his head, “I don’t want to see him. But, I think Lup would like to once she gets back home.”

This time, it was the two men who fell silent. Finally, it was Merle who broke the uncomfortable silence. “Yeah. I’m sure she would like to see him when she gets back.” His words were laced with insincerity. 

Taako glared at him, “Stop talking to me like I’m an idiot. She’s alive.”

Another slow nod, “Sure she is, buddy. I’m not doubting you.”

He stood up, his frustration renewed from last night, “Listen, she is. She called me yesterday. And even if this was another delusion, you shouldn’t indulge me. This is how I went seven fucking years thinking I was an only child and crazy 'cause you two never said shit.”

Magnus put a large hand on his shoulder, “Don’t get mad. Merle’s just trying to stop you from getting upset again.”

“Well, he’s making me upset by patronising me.” He didn’t turn to face Magnus, he just stared down at Merle, anger in his dark eyes. 

“Well, what did you want to hear? That Lup is dead? That Barry, her fiance killed her and tried to frame you for murdering her? That he wooed then killed your only family left for political gain? Or do you want me to find a copy of the coroners report and tell you all the horrific details of her dismembered body?” Frustration grew in Merle’s voice too as he spoke. 

He faltered and shook his head. “I guess not. But someone sounding like her did call me. Look, I can call them back.” He reached into the pocket of his robe only to come up short.

Sighing, he stood up and went to the kitchen table where his broken phone sat. Prying off the shattered back, he pulled out his SIM card. “I’m going to the mall. Someone needs to drive me.”

With that, he stalked off to his room to get formally dressed. 

Two hours later, the trio was sitting in the food quart of the Huntington mall, Taako’s new phone sitting in the middle of them. It was close to three in the afternoon on a weekday and there was almost no one around. 

Soon enough, the phone started to ring. Reaching over with a shaking hand, Taako answered the call and put it on speaker. “You got Taako. What’s sizzlin?”

“Uh, hello sir.” The small voice of Angus McDonald came through the speakers of the phone. 

He nearly groaned as it dawned on him that it was unlikely his sister would call, not after he yelled at her. “What do you need, pumpkin?”

“Nothing. I just—I noticed that you weren’t home and that a few pieces of furniture were missing. I thought you might want to know that.”

“Oh, yeah. Uncle Maggy and Uncle Merle came over to help clean up. We’re at the mall, but we’ll be home soon. Are you good on your own?”

“Yes sir, you don’t need to worry about me.”

“Okay, there’s some cheese sticks and fruit in the fridge. Love you.” He hung up the phone and saved the previously unknown number as Angus. 

He sighed and stood up. “Let me grab another bubble tea and we can get going.” 

It was only another ten or so minutes before they were on the road again. And once again, Taako’s phone started ringing. This time, though, it rang to the tune of a pop song Taako had managed to download and assign as his ringtone. 

Sighing, he handed it to Merle, “It’s probably Kravitz. Can you take it?”

“Yeah.” He took the phone with his non-prosthetic hand and answered it, “Taako’s phone, Merle speaking. How can I help you?”

There was a brief silence before Merle responded, “I don’t believe it.”

“What, what don’t you believe?” It was Magnus who spoke from the front seat first. 

Taako rolled his eyes, “He probably can’t believe that Krav would break up with me after months of seemingly happy dating.” 

“No, I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Can you repeat that, just so I know I’m not crazy?” He spoke to both the caller and the car as he put the phone on speaking. 

A woman’s voice that seemed to spark recognition within all three men rang out. “I said, I know that Taako is mad at me, but can you tell him that I want to speak with him. It’s rude enough to ignore my calls, but to have someone else answer for him?”

For once, Magnus seemed to be at a loss for words, but both Taako and Merle spoke at once.

“I wasn’t ignoring your calls, my phone broke.”

“I don’t believe it! Lup! You’re not dead, thank Pan!”

She chuckled despite the situation, “Okay, I’m going to have to ask that your repeat that, but at different times.”

Merle spoke first, “I’m just glad you’re not dead, Lup.”

Then Taako, “I wasn’t ignoring your calls, my phone broke.”

“Thanks, Merle. Were you the one who break your phone, Taako?”

He remained silent, but both Merle and Magnus assured her that was the case with a resounding, “Yes.”

“Is that Mr. Burnsides I hear?”

Magnus beamed, “Yep. Good to hear from you, Lup.”

Another giggle from her side, “Well, it’s good to see someone is happy to hear me. Anyway, Taako, I still miss you and I didn’t like the way we left things.”

The two men in the car asides from him fell silent, waiting on his response just as Lup was. “I’m sorry for getting upset, but I have some things I need to attend to right now.” His hand reached into the backseat to take the phone from Merle.

“Bitch, that shit’s gonna have to wait. I have so much I want to talk about! Like your cooking show, your kid, and I heard from Lucretia that you’re dating a mortician! I can’t believe I have to up my goth game.”

As he heard that, his hand faltered. “You’ve already talked to Lucretia?”

“Course, baby bro. I had to get your number from her.” 

“Rad. Uh. I have to go.” He fully yanked the phone out of Merle’s hand to hang up. 

The car was silent for a bit before Taako spoke up again. “We’re going to pick up Angus, then we’re going to go visit Lucretia.”

No one disagreed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm running out of prewritten chapters. and i could write more, but im losing interest. if i decide to quit, i'll at least post the ending in like, a drabble format

_[Transcription from the breaking news report from August 2011]_

_Reporter: Taako, of food network’s hit show Sizzlin’ It Up With Taako was just about to start his sixth year recording when tragedy struck. Two days ago in the quiet town of Glamour Springs, the food truck that serves at the backdrop for this show visited, and when it left, death replaced it._

_Reports say that there are currently thirty dead, and the hospitals are over run with ill patients. Arsenic is suspected to be in play, probably from the food that was served out of the food truck. The authorities set out on a nationwide manhunt for the chemist turned chef and found him two states over, alone with his food truck._

_Immediately, the man was taken into custody and he is currently pleading guilty in court. Though, his lawyer is pushing for manslaughter instead of first or second degree murder._

_The court case of Taako Taaco versus the town of Glamour Springs is underway and is public. If you want to go see this celebrity get what’s coming, you can find this scene at the LA city courthouse. But, the trial will be filmed and publicised._

_Second Reporter: Now, Natalie, it is to my understanding that this is not the first time Mr. Taako has been to court?_

_Natalie: You’re absolutely right Jared. It has been disclosed to us via his public arrest record that six years ago, he was arrested for the murder of his sister who had disappeared three months prior._

_Jared: I was unaware that he even had a sister. It seems that he keeps that information private. It seems unlikely that someone so bold as he would do that. What do we know about his sister?_

_Natalie: Not much, Jared. She was twenty-one at the time of her disappearance and her corpse was found on a hiking trail behind her shared apartment with her brother._

_Jared: That’s not a very secure place to keep a corpse. [chuckling] So, what was the verdict?_

_Natalie: Well, he didn’t stop filming Sizzlin’ It Up with Taako then, so I don’t think he was convicted. In fact, when I look into it, it seems that his brother in law, the husband of his sister was convicted for murdering his wife. He is currently serving a life sentence in Huntington West Virginia, Taako’s home town._

_Jared: This is all very interesting, Natalie. But I think there’s only one question on the minds of all our viewers, and that is— why didn’t we know about this trial before?_

_Natalie: Well, Jared, it’s because he was not famous then. Apparently, a small group of his fans knew, but because it was his first year producing the show, it was not explicitly publicized. If it had been, I’m sure the show wouldn’t have continued._

_In fact, I hear that the food network is going to shut down his show as it is and throw out the footage that the cameraman took._

_Jared: It’s just bad publicity. I don’t blame them._

_Natalie: Well, there is some solace for die hard fans of Mr. Taako, and that is he has six seasons still up. Though, you might be hard pressed to find these episodes. Rumour has it that the food network will even be taking down the episodes from the rerun list. This may be it for Taako Taaco, the man who stole everyone’s heart._

_Natalie: Well, it was a long week, but the case of Taako Taaco versus the town of Glamour Springs has finally end._

_Jared: That’s right Natalie. I know we did extensive coverage of this would be celebrity, but can you give us a few highlights from the case just in case anyone couldn’t make it to the courthouse?_

_Natalie: Well, I think the biggest news that is on everyone’s mind is that Taako is gay. While he did plead guilty for the first half, on the third day, he accused Sazed, the only crewman who worked with him on the truck. As many fans will know, Sazed had been steadily making his way up to co-host over the past year. But, this thursday, Taako said, and I quote ‘my bastard boyfriend Sazed is probably just setting me up.’ The fun thing about this, was that Sazed was nowhere to be found when Taako was arrested, and refused to come in an testify. I wonder how he kept this under wraps for years and why he just now was bringing it to light._

_Jared: I suppose he just wanted to give the network another reason not air him ever again._

_Natalie: Well whatever the reason, no one saw it coming. Sazed never seemed like the type of person he would fall for. But, there are already fans writing extensive analysisses about this relationship. You can find them on Taako’s fan forum._

_Jared: Natalie, you read fan forums!_

_Natalie: Well Jared, when we have a job to do… The other piece of news fans will be thrilled to hear about is that Taako Taaco is not in jail. The jury did convict him of man-slaughter of thirty people, but the only punishment is the revocation of his chemistry doctorate, his food handling and all subsequent food handling permits, and a 30 million dollar payout to the town of Glamour Springs_

_Jared: That’s not all, Natalie._

_Natalie: It’s not?_

_Jared: No, rumour has it that Taako will be making a return trip to Glamour Springs to personally apologize to the victims’ families. He will also be attending the funerals of these people. I suspect he will be booed out before that happens._

_Natalie: You’re probably right Jared. Everyone’s favorite chef has not become everyone’s favorite to hate. But that’s all we have on Taako Taaco’s case._

_Coming up next is a cover story on the President’s new policy. Catch that right after this break._


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update 1.0.1 Fixed minor grammar and formatting mistakes in the first three chapter  
> update 1.0.2 Fixed bug where taako calls seven years a few years  
> update 1.0.3 Fixed continuity error where taako said he couldn't call then magnus later references a call  
> update 1.0.4 Fixed bug where taako went to pick up angus but said magnus despite magnus being in the car  
> update 1.0.5 added previously unreleased chapter that has intentional spelling mistakes and a high cringe factor
> 
> srs, this next chapter is cringey, so, like, if you hate thirteen year olds, don't read this
> 
> update 1.0.6 Fixed the bug that caused updates to be out of chronological order  
> update 1.0.7 Fixed bug that caused update log to be chapter summary, Sorry.

 

** _Taako’s Taaquito’s_ **

 

_ xXSuper_Taako_Fan_RenXx _

**_Taako, Our Real Life GAY_ **

_ so im sure we were all shocked at the big news of the trial (and if you werent watching it 24/7 then get da fuq out of here) and none of us more surprised than i am  _

_ (my face when i heard what he said he was a real life gay: o.o i wish i could just glomp him and tell him its all okay and we still love him uwu) _

_ if youve been following my activity, then you should know ive been a huge fan since his debut and i am actually one of those real life fans. there was just something about his presence in those early shows that was amazing and drew me, as well as all of you, in. but, i dont need to get into that right now (i actually have several posts about him and his amazing personality 0_0) anyway, my point is that the later episodes in his show were not as good and we all know why _

_ sazed _

_ that little bitch got me fucked up. imma fight a bitch if i ever find him. anyway, what im tryign to get at is that sazed is a big bitch and we all hate him _

_ he has a terrible personality and would never get along with our lil sinnamon roll taako. listen. i am a huge advocate for gay rights and i have been a total hardcore yaoi shipper since i was born practically. so i know my gaybies and my yaoi ships and this is not a good pait _

_ taako is a bottom, we all know this, weve have a twelve page long thread about his positions as a verse or a power bottom (im still team bottom btw) and sazed clearly is not the type of person who could dom our sweety taako if his life depended on it. i mean for one, in the exclusive interview that airs one year ago he said and i quote ‘i would believe it if taako told me he hung the moon’ hes basically a pathetic blind follower of taako (i mean i am too but its okay that i can be trash >.<) _

_ second he just gave off a really skeevy vibe like he was trying to steal the lime light from taaco and that is an unforgivable thing to do. and he visably got hostile towards taako when things didnt go his way. like maybe a court wouldn't recognise that but that glimmer of love that will never go out in our eyes went out on his and smile faltered and his body language got hostile _

_ i think he was just using taako to get famous instead of loving him from the side. honestly, if were going to go all the way id even say that sazed set up our taako to make it seem like he committed those murders _

_ like, the only supporting evidence that our lord and saviour taako did those crimes was that he’s a chemist and didnt eat the food before he tasted it. but like, he went six years without having a whole ordeal like this happening, hwy should he be concerned that his food is safe? besides, it was probably sazed trying to kill taako with the poisoned food and getting him convicted for the whole thing was just a bonus. _

_ listen i know this sounds crazy but why else would sazed refuse to testify? _

_ im just saying taako is innocent and sazed can bite my ass. _

 

_ ~lil-taaquito69~ _

_ Thirty REAL LIFE people are dead, ren. _

 

_ Deactivated-29593094803849 _

_ oh no, those poor LIVE people are dead. :’( _

 

_ ~lil-taaquito69~ _

_ Shut up, you know what i mean, dick weed. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to continue this because the plot twist is fucking major


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im averaging about 1000 per chapter. but like, at least im writing. you know?

It had started out as a relatively nice evening. Merle and Lucretia started with familial small talk and Magnus chimed in when he had something to say, and Taako sat in silence, staring into the cup of quickly cooling tea he had been provided.

The niceties lasted for almost half an hour before Taako spoke up. He was torn between speaking in an overly sweet and caring voice and an angry accusatory tone. His words came out flat and intrusive in stead, effectively piercing through the other conversation. “Lucretia. There is an innocent man in jail because of what Lup did.” 

There was silence as Lucretia’s smile faltered, but she still kept it up long enough to reply. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me, and you know exactly what I mean. You’ve always known everything. You know that Lup is back and talked to me and that Barry is in jail for a crime he did not commit and that you were the only person who could have put an end to this madness years ago.”

Magnus and Merle seemed to wince silently as Lucretia stared at Taako, her mouth unmoving. Because of course she was too sophisticated to open and close her mouth as she struggled to find the words to say. 

Finally, she spoke as she set down her own teacup. “I had to Taako. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

Another long moment of silence before Magnus tried to awkwardly break the tension. “You know, you’d think that there’d be an easier way to talk about a man named Bluejeans being wrongfully convicted of the murder of his fiance, but you’d be wrong.”

Lucretia just ignored him. “I don’t think I can explain it to you Taako. You’ve never felt the pain of loving someone who doesn’t and never will love you back. Everyone loves you Taako, and you’d be hard pressed to find someone who wouldn’t do what you asked the second you asked it.” A pause, “I just happen to be on the other end of the spectrum. There’s something about doing whatever is asked of you with no questions that eases the ache in your chest. About keeping secrets and knowing that you’re the only person they trust. That you are helping them and maybe, just maybe, they’ll love you for it. And even if they don’t…” She trailed off, leaving Merle to pick up where she left off. 

“If she didn’t then you still wouldn’t have to see her engaged to someone else.”

She bit her lip but hesitantly nodded. “I know it’s unfair, and I love Barry too, I love all of you. I never intended for him to end up in jail, but there was nothing I could do. I’m sorry Taako.”

“You should be sorry. You took everything from me.” In one elegant motion, he set his cold tea on the coffee table, stood up and started walking out. 

Though, he didn’t make it much further than the car he couldn’t drive. He waited for ten minutes for the other two to leave, but eventually they did. 

Magnus took his place behind the wheel and the other two filed in. “Lucretia says she’ll petition the court to get this undone and that she’ll call you if she finds a way to make this up to you.”

Taako didn’t respond verbally or physically to his words, just stared out the window. 

Another, hushed conversation sprung up between the other two, lasting for the remainder of the ride home. 

Taako stayed quiet the whole ride, and he stayed mostly quiet as Angus McDonald greeted him. The only time he opened up was when Kravitz came home with take out. He promptly gathered Taako in his arms. 

He leaned into his boyfriend, one hand playing with Angus’ hair as he ate. “How was your day?”

“Fine. Nothing really new today. You?”

“I don’t really know, a lot happened. Saw Lucretia today.”

Angus looked up at that. “How is she?”

Taako offered him a small smile, “‘Busy. She’s working on a new project and I think she’s petitioning the court…”

Kravitz hummed, almost sensing that the conversation would lead to an unhappy Taako. “That’s fun. You know, I can see you working for NASA, and Lucretia makes sense for that. But Merle and Magnus? What would they do?”

“Merle was the botanist and medic, Magnus was the mechanic.”

Kravitz snorted, “Magnus the mechanic? Like actual spaceship engineering?”

“Yeah! He’s proficient in vehicles. You should be laughing at Merle being a medic.”

“Why? That’s a perfectly reasonable job for him.”

“I don't know. One time I got burnt and he didn't do shit. It was actually Magnus who helped. He never really did anything medicine related, he just talked about plants and god. I think it's for the best that he runs church camps now. Who else is going to teach those brats about poisonous plants and deities they already know about.” 

Angus spoke around his food, “One of my friends goes to those camps.” 

Taako pat his head, “Fascinating, pumpkin. But swallow before you talk, it's real nasty if you don't.”

“Sorry sir.” 

“It's fine. But like j was saying, Merle was shit at his job. Real persuasive though, he was the only one who could get through to our manager and Davenport.”

Kravitz hummed, “I don't think I've met davenport. What did he do?”

“Engineer. He was the captain of the starblaster. He sails around the world now. Maybe you'll meet him some time.” 

Again, Angus chimed in, this time without food. “I like Davenport. We're due for a postcard from him soon, right?”

The trio would have inevitably gone on longer with the trivialities of NASA but a phone call interrupted them. 

Taako looked down at his phone and sighed as he saw Lucretia's name pop up from his recently recovered contacts. “Hey, Ango, wanna talk to aunt Lucretia?”

He offered the phone out to him and the kid promptly took it. “Hi Madame Director, this is Angus McDonald speaking...Yes, I'm doing well and I like school. Today my teacher said that there were only three states of matter and boy she was wrong. I mean, who can forget about plasma?... Okay, I can give the phone to him but I will talk to you later, right?... Okay, by for now.” 

He held the phone out and Taako rolled his eyes but took it. “Hello Lucretia.” 

“Hi Taako. I wanted to apologise again but I also wanted to tell you about the project I'm working on. It's a lot of biohacking, I think you'd like it.” 

“Fascinating, but I don't really like that stuff, I'm a chemist. Or I used to be. Ango would love to hear about this.” He moved to give the phone away again. 

“Taako wait. I want to talk to you, not Angus. I'll tell him about it later. But I think I can make things up to you with it.” 

He sighed, “Yeah, fine. I'm willing to humor you. Pick me up tomorrow morning and I'll see what you have to offer.” 

“Great. I'll see you tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im thinking about having taako volunteer to go through with it versus lucretia tricking him into going along with it to save her hide. i dont think shed do that unless it was necessary...
> 
> anyway, we'll be getting into that later.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still don't know wether or not to make lucretia morally ambiguous or not. i suppose she already is, but i still love her.

_[Excerpt from ‘Anthropy and Other Sciences Colluding’ Written by Dr. Lucretia MIller with help from National Aerospace Agency and the Institute of Planetary Research and Exploration]_

_“While working at NASA, my first priority was to be a biographer. As an anthropologist, it was always my first duty to be a secretary of sorts, then a historian, and possible someone who could weigh in on researching other species. I felt most alive when I was studying the lives of other species. I could write papers on papers about the subtle, delicate language I learned from a group of animal like species. Or about the funguses and how that affected the lives of another species, or about how almost none of the alien species we came in contact with had a form of organized religion or really a concept of what a god was. And I have, but they all seem lacking without discussion of how we reached these civilizations._

_How we reached these \civilizations would surprise you. We never made it to them in a physical sense; that would take years. Our ship the Starblaster only allowed us to break through the atmosphere quickly and remain in orbit. To get anywhere else in the galaxy would take around one hundred years. We didn’t go out, but rather found ways to communicate with the other planets. As it turns out, communication and a careful study of cultures was our most valuable asset. Why then, did the anthropologist aboard have the most mundane duty?_

_The answer is simple; anthropology is seen as a hobby if anything._

_Through this hobby, I have managed to make extraordinary scientific breakthroughs. While almost anything I have accomplished can be attributed to another field of science, everything has some tie into anthropology. Had I not been learning about other cultures, I would never have been able to do any of this._

_It was from the people who didn’t believe in death that I learned how to make an artificial type of gravity that would also keep my campus orbiting. It was from a planet of animals that I learned how to make my campus self sustaining. It was from a planet that waged war against the plants that I learned how important cultural preservation is. And possibly my biggest breakthrough yet comes from a culture with almost no science, but rather a society obsessed with the arts and the perfection of them._

_..._

_It’s amazing to see what other species are out there, especially when they so perfectly resemble creatures we have on our own planet. What we saw living amongst these humanoids was undoubtedly a jellyfish. It was bioluminescent and didn’t need much water to maintain its shape and it didn’t eat what we would recognize as food, but sure enough, it was a jellyfish that had naturally evolved on this planet. This got me thinking that we as humans could artificially breed what they called ‘The Light of Creation’. And thus I started on my journey of biohacking._

_I spent two years learning how to domesticate and breed jellyfish along with how to read DNA, alter RNA, and erase undesirable sequences. Two years of research and many many dead jellyfish later, I had a sustainable colony of jellyfish that needed no food or much water, and thrived off of music. They also glowed, and while that wasn’t a trait I was looking for, it was an added bonus._

_It took me several more years to get to where I am today with Fisher (name courtesy of a crewmember on the Starblaster.) Fisher lives off of written words and sheet music. I have yet to get him to ‘eat’ anything not written down. But, he doesn’t like dances or spoken words or sculptures. He does have a fondness for wooden ducks carved courtesy of a crewmember on the Starblaster, but he doesn’t eat them. I’ve actually had to hire a composer to keep him fed._

 _He also reproduces asexually, which was a trait I tried to introduce into his line three generations ago. Luckily, it passed to the only survivor of the plague that took the jellies a few years ago. Technically speaking, Fisher is no longer a he as to reproduce asexually, a jelly only needs one set of gonads of the female variety. And hypothetically speaking, his offspring will be genetically identical to the last. Or it should, but I managed to tamper with his egg to get the last desired effect I wanted. While this gene has some possible negative side effects such as the species becoming more susceptible to plagues, I’m not too concerned with that. Fisher survived one plague, he and his children can survive more. It truly is a stroke of luck that I have Fisher as he will be the start of a new generation I call Voidfish._

_His egg has yet to get past it’s second metamorphosis, but the results are already promising. Fisher has a knack of absorbing memory of what he ate, and I think Junior, as I have taken to calling the next one, will do even better. But, we will all have to wait until he is an adult to see. Naturally, I will write a whole other paper on these Voidfish when I have my work peer reviewed and a few generations under my belt._

_Still, biological memory alteration is a scientific feat few would dream off, and it all came from the most beautiful violin and piano duet and one of the worst carved ducks I have ever seen.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the time line in here is skewed, and it translates weird into my au. but we finally got that sci-fi edge i've been looking for. go ahead and ask if you have any questions about hte logistics


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am under the impression that a chapter should be able to reach a goal. the goal in this chapter is pretty straight forward, so i reached it. but, like i did so in a thousand words, and my studies show that chapters are supposed to be around 2500 words. i guess this is just a scene, and it's not evel all i could have written, but the last line was so good, and so symbolic

Taako was sitting cross legged on a chair, another cup of tea in his hands. Though rather than holding tea, the delicate teacup filled with hot soda. Angus had tea, though it was served in a plastic cup lest this kid drop the porcelain and break it, unlikely as it was. 

The kid’s tea remained untouched in favor of him going up and tapping on the glass of a fish tank resting on Lucretia’s desk. “He’s neat! What did you say his name was?”

Lucretia smiled down at him, “Fisher, Magnus named him. He’s my new project, and it’s almost complete. I’ll let you read my documentation later, okay?”

He nodded, still tapping on the glass to see the jelly react. Taako eventually reached out a hand and grabbed his wrist, “He doesn’t like that, kiddo. Sit down.” 

“Oh, sorry sir.” He went back to sitting in the other chair facing the desk and picked up his drink again. 

With him placated, he turned to the former director, “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m fascinated by this lil fish, but how is this supposed to help either of us.”

“Well, you remember the Light of Creation, right?”

“Which one? The one that helped us see all the different planets, or the one that was a jellyfish? I’m guessing jelly fish since you have a jellyfish right here.”

“Yes, the jellyfish.” She smiled gently, “I tried to recreate it, just to see if I could. I think I succeeded, but I can’t get him to rebroadcast what he’s eaten, and he only eats written things. I guess I haven’t written anything good enough to rebroadcast, so I don’t really know if it can do that.”

“I mean, that’s great. But you still havent told me how this is supposed to do anything for me. Like, yay, you did a jellyfish, big fucking whoop.”

“I was getting to that.” She kept her voice level as it always was, “As you know, I keep meticulous records of everything. I can feed Fisher whatever you want, and you’ll forget about it. I don’t have it at the point where everyone would forget it, so I can erase something for you if you’d like. It can be you thinking Lup was dead or the pain you’ve felt or anything. I can make it so it seemed your sister just went out of town for a little bit. Or anything else.”

Taako was silent for a minute, though Angus released a soft breath as if he were gasping. 

The blond looked to he woman, “Do you have a draft of your scientific paper? I’m sure Ango would love to proof read it for you.”  
He nodded, “I would, Ma’am. Looking for spelling errors is my favorite thing to do.”

With a short nod, she held out her laptop to him, a document pulled up. “I haven’t reached the conclusion yet and it’s not quite a finished project, so feel free to make suggestions.”

He took the laptop with an eager nod before heading to the sitting room as opposed to the office. Once he was gone, Taako looked to Lucretia. 

“I’m considering this. But, I have to ask, would this help me or would this--I--be another data point?”

She hesitated before speaking. “I will admit, you’d be a data point. With your permission, I’d mention you in my paper and I would have this instance count as a success, but only if you want. For the record, though, I do think that this would help you. There’s always something we want to erase from our lives, like maybe the fire you started in Phandalin? Or Sazed?” A hopeful, tentative smile blooned across her features. 

He sighed and leaned back in the chair, downing the rest of his heated soda. “I don’t know. Phandalin was awful, but there’s no changing that, and I’d seem insensitive if I were the only one to forget. Maybe Sazed?”

Another sigh passed his lips. “It’s just that…. What’s the point in having bad memories if you can’t learn from them? Regret and shame and guilt kind of force us to change our behavior, right? And if I don’t have anything to regret or feel guilty for, then would I become the person I was? If I forgot the fire and stealing the kid’s silverware and Glamour Springs and all that, would I be the person to fall in love with my boyfriend or have Angus? Would I be the type of person that they could love the way they love me now?”

Lucretia nodded solemnly, “I understand. I’m not going to lie to you, I would love to study the effects drinking the serum would have on a person’s relationships, personality, and all that. But I understand if you yourself don’t want to explore it.”

“I mean—” He cut himself off. “Drink? I have to drink a serum? Like the fish poo water?”

“Technically speaking yes, but there are no droppings in the tank. He doesn’t eat like you’d normally think of eating. It’s just a way to make you receptive to him eating the the memories. If you drink it again, you regain the memories. Or so the theory goes. It’s what has happened with me. I’ll let you read the report if you’d like.”

“I will say that I am interested in all this. I am a man of science after all. Is there a limit to how much he can erase?”

She shrugged, “I’ve only done it with a few things, like the name of objects or a song or short story.”

Nodding, Taako fell silent. He chewed his lip pensively before closing his eyes and letting out a sigh. “Okay, I think I’ve made my decision on this, but I want you to tell me what you think. I’m thinking about erasing Lup. Her entire existence from my memory. Everything. I’ll tell you everything about childhood, everything about her, everything.”

“I— why?” 

“Well, part of me wants to know if it can erase something as large as a human. But also, I think it would help. I’ve been told that I’m—” he steepled his fingers together and chose his next words slowly, “Emotional and volatile now. That maybe perhaps all of this coming to light has caused a bad part of my personality to come out, or at least made me grumpier. I think it might help my relationships if I were able to recover from this blow quicker.”

“What about the relationship you have with your sister?”

“Like you said, I can always remember later. Plus, it’s not like I’ll be having a whole lot of interaction with her as it is. She knows I’m mad and I told her she wasn’t staying with me when she does show up.” He sighed, “More than anything, I’m just impulsive. I want to see what happens, and I won’t be mad or sad or guilty or anything anymore. Let’s do it.”

Lucretia gave a tentative nod. “I have a lot of information about her as it is. We _did_ spend a lot of time together. And if there’s anything else you want to add, I’ll take it into consideration. I’ll start drafting the papers to feed him. I think we can knock this out today.” She stood from her chair. 

Taako similarly stood and extended his hand, “Sounds like a deal. And Lulu, I’m not mad at you any more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so taako calls his sister lulu, what about luicretia who has a similar name? maybe hed call her lulu in a moment of emotion. 
> 
> next chap will be a dossier; i feel we have too many of those but I refuse to go back and fix it. 
> 
> question time: how could teh timeline do me like this? where's it going?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this dossier because it was fun, not because it means anything.

_  
[A chain of emails between the Management of the company formerly known as the Bureau of Balance and the employees]_

_To: lmiller@BOB.net, m.hitower.highcchurch@religionman.net, taakofromtv@foodnetwork.net, burnsides@scamlikely.org killgorescrossbowcountry@mail.com, careys-a-lot@email.edu, yoyojohanne@email.org, avi.crossfit@email.edu, garfiedthedealswarlock@costco.co.uk, boyland@email.com, n03113@binary.com magicbrian@spiders.org, and thirty others_

_From: llucretiathedirector@BOB.net_

_Subject: Bureau’s Disbanding_

_Dear all,  
I wanted to address the issue of the bureau dissolving. Yes, it most definitely is being disbanded, though not because of financial difficulties or being bought out. Rather, there is no need for this company anymore. I understand that this will put a lot of you out of work, but rest assured that you will be compensated and that I will be a reference for each and everyone of you. If you need help finding another source of employment, I would be happy to help you look and find you something you would find fulfilling. _

_The last day of employment will be in thirty days, and the campus will be dismantled starting today. Do not be alarmed by this action and feel free to stop coming into work if you find it unnecessary. Still, I look forward to working with many of you again in the future._

_The Madame Director_

_To: m.hitower.highcchurch@religionman.net, taakofromtv@foodnetwork.net, burnsides@scamlikely.org killgorescrossbowcountry@mail.com, careys-a-lot@email.edu, yoyojohanne@email.org, avi.crossfit@email.edu, garfiedthedealswarlock@costco.co.uk, boyland@email.com, n03113@binary.com magicbrian@spiders.org, and thirty others_

_From: lmiller@BOB.net_

_Subject: This Year’s Midsummer’s Night Festival_

_It has come to my attention that several of you are anticipating a repeat of last years festival, though without all the horrors that were presented to us nearly three-hundred and sixty days ago. I can assure you that none of aforementioned horrors will befall us, however, this festival will not be repeated. As you all know, the company is shutting down, and as such, the campus will be disassembled and there will be little chance to hold a festival. Furthermore, there is no one to bill for the frivolous spending associated with holding such a festival._

_This being said, you are allowed to party with each other and claim it is a company party, but we will not be funding it._

_Thanks,  
L. Miller _

_CC: lucretiathedirector@BOB.net, bradbradson@mail.net_

_From: killgorescrossbowcountry@mail.com_

_Subject: Re:This Year’s Misummer’s...._

_Hey, fuckhead, this isn’t really your choice. Like, you’re not even really in charge of like, anything???? Can you fuck off before I come down to your shitty office and punch your nose in. And don’t even bother reported me to Brad this time. I already have him and Madame Director on the CC list._

_Here’s an idea, why don’t you use your mommy’s money to find our festival and hold off on tearing apart the quad until I’ve eaten my fried unicorn dick and kissed my wife dressed like her favorite anime girl. Like? We’re all going to be out of a job soon anyway, why not let us have some goddamn fun before unemployment. Fuck man, why are you so mean and whiny?_

_Go fuck yourself,  
Killian_

_From: taakofromtv@foodnetwork.net_

_Subject: Re:This Year’s Misummer’s...._

_hey dingus. we all know you’re not lucretia. like. idk why tf you keep that email adress and keep signing ur shit like you were lucretia. we get it, lucretia is your step mom or at least you want her to be. yeah. everyone knows you have a weird mommy complex ever since your real mom died_

_harsh maybe, but ur fucking telling me what i can and cant do and where i can or can not party. youre not in charge lukey luke so fuck the fuck off or ill have killian squash you between her competant thighs._

_love  
Taako Taaco from TV_

_ps. dont complain about me to brad it wont help. whats he gonna do? fire me?_

_To: lmiller@BOB.net, m.hitower.highcchurch@religionman.net, taakofromtv@foodnetwork.edu, burnsides@scamlikely.org killgorescrossbowcountry@mail.com, careys-a-lot@email.edu, yoyojohanne@email.org, avi.crossfit@email.edu, garfiedthedealswarlock@costco.co.uk, boyland@email.com, n03113@binary.com magicbrian@spiders.org, and thirty others_

_From: llucretiathedirector@BOB.net_

_Subject: Midsummer’s Night Festival_

_Dear all,  
It has come to my attention that several of you are concerned about the state of this year’s festival. While the campus is being dismantled post haste, we will still have a festival as many of you requested. I will be funding it, so please stop demanding that Lucas be the one to pay for everyone’s fried unicorn parts. On that note, we will be hiring the same fry-artists that we had last year._

_In addition to all the same traditions and attractions we have all loved for the past several years, we will have an open bar and a puppy pit. Yes, i know, there will finally be more dogs on the moon. Except not because they would run off the dan thing and it won’t be around much longer. Seeing as the campus is being dismantled, we will be having this year’s festival in the city. I have already set reservations for a large park. Feel free to bring your families and friends and other loved ones. This is no longer an exclusive event due to the dismantling of the company._

_Consider the festival the last day of work for all of you as it will be included in your pay but nothing else after. I look forward to seeing all of your costumes, and please stop sending mean emails to Lucas, he’s sensitive._

_The Madame Director_

_To: lmiller@BOB.net, m.hitower.highcchurch@religionman.net, taakofromtv@foodnetwork.edu, burnsides@scamlikely.org killgorescrossbowcountry@mail.com, careys-a-lot@email.edu, yoyojohanne@email.org, avi.crossfit@email.edu, garfiedthedealswarlock@costco.co.uk, boyland@email.com, n03113@binary.com magicbrian@spiders.org, and thirty others_

_From: llucretiathedirector@BOB.net_

_Subject: Employment_

_Dear all,  
I hope this email finds you in time of peace. Shortly after the rest of the campus was dismantled and repurposed, I realized that I am not done with my work as a bureau director. While I would love to continue doing solitary work, I know that that is an inefficient way to go about things. As such, I have started to put together a loose business plan for another organization that will be called the Bureau of Benevolence where we work to reinstate lost cultures caused by the recent war. It’s a cultural preservation system rather than a cultural exploration and archeology system. With the Bureau of Benevolence, nothing will be too small of a task as we travel throughout the world learning and helping in whatever ways we can. _

_If this sounds like an opportunity you would like to pursue or assist with, feel free to respond to this message. I promise that every single one of you will be employed if you so desire. Just bring your bracer to the new campus and you will be reinstated. If you have recommendations for personnel, I will take those too without much hassle. I trust your intuition._

_I understand if this is something you do not want to pursue. Feel free to decline the offer. This offer will always stand, and I will still help you look for other employment if you so desire._

_Whatever you decide to do, I hope fulfillment finds you._

_The Madame Director.  
_


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my health is spiralling. i might have to move back in with my parents. :(
> 
> anyway, here's this.

__

_[Excerpt from 'The Study of the Voidfish' written by Dr Lucretia Martin]_

_The subject and I sat together for several hours compiling everything. I had known the woman he wanted to erase from his life, and I knew how to capture her essence in my writing. I added a picture of her with the documents for good measure, and all the while we were working, I played a recording of her playing a duet with her then boyfriend. It almost seemed as if we were compiling a list of her achievements as a sort of rites of remembrance for the dead. It was sad, touching, and hard work._

_Every once in a while, the subject would throw his head back and groan at how stupid this was. His son would wander into the room to try and help and make things go faster, but he was always ushered out. It seemed the subject didn’t want to let the boy know about his choice. It did seem like a big life decision at the time, though not when he walked out._

_Sometimes I wonder if there’s anything I missed, something that couldn’t have been taken down. Like an inexplicable happiness that would become associated with a certain dish, or an unknown reason for why he got a piercing he’d never want, or an inside joke, or a childhood tune he’d get stuck in his head but not remember why he knows it in the first place. Though I suppose most of that is irrelevant and can be written off._

_After about five hours, we got everything done. The subject and I fed a whole books worth to the voidfish. It occurred to me in the moment that it was rather sad that the entire life of a single woman could fit in a moderately thick journal. Perhaps it was because she was young and he hadn’t had contact with her for nearly seven years. Maybe it would have been thicker had they been in contact for seven years, but I don’t think it’d be much bigger. Twenty one years fit into a book no thicker than my arm. It makes you wonder, how many journals could your life fill up? Is it better to have more of an impact, or less?_

_Once fisher had eaten all the material presented to him, the subject drank the serum and remarked that it tasted like like gogurt. I figured he was joking as every time I’ve tried it, it tasted salty and vaguely of fish, like drinking a mouthful of seawater or a spoonful of roe._

_We sat in silence for a few minutes, waiting to see if such a large scale project would work effectively. He looked nervous, but it morphed into a relaxed look. At the end of five minutes, I showed him a picture of the woman he wished to forget. “Do you remember Lup?” I asked. He looked to me, his eyes almost dreamy as he replied with a simple “Who?”_

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to use that iconic line of 'who' and i could have put it in at the last chapter, but this seemed better. its short. i might have a more substantial chapter tomorrow...


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 1.1.0 : wrote a fucking chapter
> 
> sometimes I think I should maybe write longer chapoters, but at least i'm fucking writing, you know?

Kravitz opened the door to a woman who looked remarkably like Taako. Her hair was shorter and died a homey brown, and she had boobs and hips, but other than that, she looked remarkably like the man. 

She smiled and immediately started talking, “Hi, Krav, right? I saw you on Taako’s insta. Is he home?”

He opened his mouth to answer but before he could, Taako was at his hip, leaning against the door jamb, spoon sticking out of his mouth. “What’s going on Krav?”

The woman smiled, “Hey baby bro, still mad at me?”

He cocked his head to the side and pulled out the spoon, “What are you talking about.” 

“So no.“ She held up a plastic grocery bag with a few small boxes and tubes in it. “I was thinking you could help me bleach and dye my hair.”

He raised a brow, “Listen, I’m always down to bleach a strangers’ hair, but like, why?”

She cocked her head, “What do you mean why?”

“I mean why do you want me to bleach your hair?”

“Because you’re my brother? We always do this kind of shit together. I thought it’d be a nice olive branch.” 

He gave an incredulous laugh. “What the fuck. What are you talking about.”

The woman scowled, “I’m not playing these games Taako. If you’re still mad, tell me to my fucking face, don’t be an ass.”

“I’m not the one playing games, miss ‘i’m going to pretend to be a long lost relative’ over here. Did you really think I’d fall for that kind of scam? I’m an only child, and if you didn’t grow up with me, then you aren’t really family.”

“But I did grow up with you. And we’re fucking twins, so miss me with that only child bullshit.”

He rolled his eyes, “Yeah, I have a twin, right. Listen sis, if you had grown up with me, you would have ended up dead like every other relative I had. Get a better scam next time.” He took a step back into the house, pulling Krav with him before shutting the door and locking it. 

He looked to his boyfriend, “Fuckin weirdos, am I right?”

The taller man furrowed his brows, “But — she’s your sister, right?”

He shook his head, “No, I’m an only child. Don’t tell me you fell for her lies.”

“No… but she looks exactly like you! And weren’t you talking about your sister just last week?”

He shook his head again, “No, must have been someone else.” He started walking away, only for Kravitz to grab his arm and hold up the hand in a splint, “Then how’d you get this?”

Taako pulled his hand away with a frown, “I stabbed scissors into my hand. You were there.”

“I was, but I meant what made you do that, why did you do that to yourself?”

He stared at the bright pink medical tape adorning his hand. His harsh features screwing up a bit as he tried to recall what made him so mad as to stab himself. “I can’t remember… It doesn’t matter.” He started walking again, “I’m going to lie don the couch, my head feels fuzzy.”

Kravitz sighed as Taako walked off but followed him, “Honey, you can’t just ignore this kind of stuff. Last week you were all in a frenzy about your sister and grumpy, and now you’re insisting you’ve never seen that woman before.”

The blond rolled his eyes and stooped down to pick up one of the cats that walked by. “I’m not pretending. I’ve genuinely never seen her before. But can’t we just be glad that I’m not in a mood anymore.” He turned and walked back to Kravitz. He deposited the cat in his arms and leaned up slightly to kiss him. 

He sighed, “I’m worried. I just don’t know if this is good for you.”

“If you’re that worried, I’ll talk to my therapist about it. Come on, let’s finish our marathon before Ango comes home and we have to watch shitty documentaries.” He took his hand and pulled him back to the couch to watch Queer eye and eat the half melted ice cream.

Everything was happy again, and for that reason, Kravitz chose to ignore the worry budding in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any questions are gladly taken, any suggestions, and comments or critiques. even a smiley face in the comments helps <3


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 1.2.0 wrote several chapters  
> edit 1.2.1 added at least two layers of tragedy to a character  
> edit 1.2.2 added a heavy tragedy to a relationship  
> edit 1.2.3 obscured motives as it makes it interesting  
> edit 1.2.4 rewrote edits to make them less spoilery for this chapter
> 
> anyway, enjoy!

_ [Pulled excerpts from the official file of one Angus McDonald] _

 

_ After a bit of looking, I have found the last living relative of the new kid. I have an address and confirmation of relation, however I do not have a name. When asked about it, the gentle man insisted he just went by grandpa. I bought a train ticket for the kid, make sure he’s packed and ready to go by this Thursday and see him off. _

_ -Stephanie _

_ [Attached is a train ticket for the Rockport Limited] _

  
  
  


_ Dear Ms. Riley, _

_ Thank you for helping me get to my grandpa. I think he really appreciated the death day gift I brought him. He said something about how worthless the silverware set was if it wasn't complete, but I know he's glad to have it back. It’s real silver too, so I know its not worthless even if he says so. Did you know silver sells for about 15 dollars per ounce? It used to be higher but the market for silver and gold crashed after the housing bubble burst.  _

_ Anyway thank you for helping me after mama and papa died. You're very good at your job but I hope I don't have to work with you again soon. _

_ Love, _

_ Angus McDonald _

  
  
  


_ Phandalin Child Protective Services,  _

_ I have seen a child that shows signs of possible neglect. Yesterday I had to treat a young man named Angus McDonald. He has lost weight since his last check up though he has grown an inch or two. He also was brought in after developing a high fever. He said he had been feeling ill for quite a while but his grandfather had said it wasn’t severe enough to get help. It was only after he had an absurdly high fever that he was brought in. I suggest you look into his home life for further signs of neglect. _

_ -Dr. Hubert Grant _

  
  
  


_ Can you check out the McDonald case for me? Thanks.  _

_ -Stephanie _

  
  
  


_ Phandalin Child Protective Services, _

_ I have found your services unsatisfactory. I know for a fact that Angus’ doctor has contacted you vis a vis the troubling behaviour his grandfather has exhibited and yet you did nothing. He has been staying with me since his visit to the ER a week ago. He himself had to ask because he was so afraid of making his grandpa spend more money on feeding him after he had already spent so much taking him to the emergency room to deal with his fever. He’s ten years old, and worried about a grown man's finances and worried he won’t be fed because he had the audacity to get sick.  _

_ His grandfather has yet to call or ask where the boy is. He is being kept safe and fed by myself, and he will continue to stay under my care unless you can do something to actually help him in a legally binding manner as I fully expect you to. I will be notifying the state of your lack of action and I do hope there are repercussions lest this happen again to another innocent child.  _

_ -Madame Director, Dr. Lucretia Millers _

  
  
  


_ Mr. Taako Taaco, _

_ Congratulations on your decision to adopt one of the children from our system. Attached to this letter are the forms you will need to fill out for the transition of guardianship to be completed. It will only be a few weeks once you fill out these forms, but Angus McDonald will still be allowed to live with you until then.  _

_ As a formality, we are required to tell you that the child you are considering adopting has had a history of trauma. It is to our understanding that you have been familiar with Angus for over a year now and may already be aware, but we are still obligated to inform you. Angus’ grandfather neglected him physically and emotionally during his months living with him, and his parents perished in the city wide fire in Phandalin last year. As such, he may be withdrawn, passive, and anxious. We suggest that you be attentive to his needs, even if he does not demand anything. We also suggest a counselor to help deal with whatever trauma or PTSD he may have developed.  _

_ More than anything, we suggest you be loving. Thank you for your cooperation with us thus far, and thank you for being an adult Angus McDonald can trust.  _

_ Phandalin Child Protective Services _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, feel free to ask questions


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, everyone is always going to have different reactions to the same event, but here we go, story progression
> 
> also, i'm thinking abt making a patreon? i can think of a few tiers

It wasn’t odd per se that Barry got visitors. It was more that they had a schedule. 

Lucretia would come in every other month before her business disbanded, then she would come in every other Monday to check on his emotional state, which was admittedly shaky. The prison wasn’t a place where professionals could help unless he wanted to be locked away inside the prison asylum. But, he managed to get over the grieving process and developed some coping mechanism, mostly being a hard ass jerk with a chip on his shoulder. Still, he was alive and kicking. 

Merle would visit every Sunday after his church meeting. Sometimes he would bring his kid. He’d always talk about the gossip surrounding his life from the birth of his son, to divorcing his wife then reconnecting with his son and step daughter. He also tried to cover whatever everyone else was going through, but he was always missing details. 

Magnus came in sporadically, though it seemed that he would be in every two weeks roughly. He never talked about much, just whatever had recently caught his attention. Still, it was nice to see the big lug. 

Davenport would send postcards, and a few other people he knew would sometimes call. But never, not in the seven years that had passed, had he seen a hint of Taako Taaco.

But that wasn’t the point. The point was that Barry was told he had a visitor waiting for him in the visiting hall, even though none of the visiting schedules matched up. For a brief moment, he thought the visitor might be Taako, but that was quickly erased from his mind; that man would never dare be seen in a dingy prison, much less to see a man he wrongfully convicted. 

A bit confused at the visitor, he stepped with the rest of the inmates to the lobby only for his heart to leap and sink all at once. There was no mistaking who it was that was visiting him. 

She looked nearly the same as before, though her hair was it’s natural dark color and a few more faint lines had taken up residence on her tanned skin. She sat at a metal table, clad in a startling red dress, flower tucked behind her ear. She rested her chin on her hand as she stared off into space, disinterested. But when she caught Barry’s gaze, she smiled softly, her eyes reigniting. 

Mouth agape, Barry made his way to her table, the room around him silent. He sat down and took a moment to collect himself, only pushing the woman across from him to smile more. Finally, he spoke, “Lup. You’re… Lup!” Tears welled and slid down his numb cheeks as a beam blossomed across his face. 

Still smiling softly, Lup reached slender hand out to wipe away his tears before resting her hand on his. “I’ve missed you Barold.”

“I just. Are you real? Please tell me you’re real and not some cruel prank. I couldn’t — I can’t bear to lose you again.” 

“Do I look fake to you.”

“No! You look like the woman whose face I could never forget. But — Lup.”

She smiled sadly at him. “I know. I’m sorry for leaving, I never thought any of this would happen. I’m so sorry babe.”

He shook his head, his eyes finally starting to clear, “No, it’s okay. I’m just — I’m just so glad. So fucking glad you’re here again. I love you so much Lup, it’s hard to say how much.”

“I know baby. I love you too, I’ll always love you. And thank you, I was worried you were going tl be mad at me.”

He shook his head, “Mad? Who could be mad seeing you return from the dead?”

Lup managed a dry chuckle, “You’d be surprised. I called Taako and he’s so mad I’m back that he’s not talking to me, even pretending I’m not real and whatever.” She rolled her eyes, “He’s such a fucking child. I can’t believe he’d let this happen to you.”

Barry shrugged, “I mean, I can see him reacting like that, and it’s not totally his fault that—,” he was cut off by Lup.

“Barold, it’s okay. You can be mad at him. It’s stupid of him to act like this and it was awful for him to get you in here and be an ass and everything. I bet he hasn’t even apologized yet or anything.”

“Well—” again cut off as his girlfriend squeezed his hand gently. 

“Are you mad at him Barry?”

A moment of silence before he nodded, “Yeah. Fuck that guy. You deserve better than his childish games. He should apologize, or at least he should have fucking visited me. He’s a grade A asshole. I’m sorry baby, but he’s a dick weed through and through.” He sighed, “I don’t know how you manage to share the exact same DNA and not be as bad as him.”

She smiled, “It takes talent to be better than your identical twin, but if anyone can do it, it’s me.”

He smiled back and lifted her hand to kiss the top of it. “Damn right. I love you babe.”

“Love you too. 

Barry Bluejeans was content to sit in comfortable silence before speaking up again. “I want to know, where did you go? How’d you do it?”

“I went to a few places actually. First place I went to was this tiny mining town, or what used to be a tiny town, it was barely a neighborhood when I got there. There was one gas station and a handful of trailers and trucks. I went spelunking in their old mine, I saw some amazing things and I met the most amazing people. Not good people, but amazing. It’s astounding the lengths someone will go to to get just the slightest advantage over the world. You know someone almost left me for dead in a gorgeous cavern. Robbed me blind and left me to die, but I’m still here.” She grinned cockily and tilted her head. “I have so many stories to tell you Barry, but I want to tell them to you in our home. I want to sit with you by the fire and play violin again and kiss you without thirty other men in the room watching us.”

He chuckled, “I’d love to hear more Lup, but good luck. My apartment got auctioned off. I think Lucretia has a box of my things, but I don’t have an apartment or hardly anything to my name. And I’m still in here for another lifetime.”

She frowned, “Like I said, I can’t fucking believe my own brother would let this happen. But, ‘Cretia said she’d write you a letter of appeal since I’m not actually dead. I’m going to find the family of who ever you actually found so they can have closure, and then I’m going to ravage you once you’re a free man again Barry.”

Blush rose in Barry’s cheek, “I’d love that Lup, I really would. But right now, I’m just happy seeing you. Everything you said hasn’t been an option until just now, it’s going to take me a minute to adjust. But…” He trailed off, looking away from the woman across from him for just a brief moment. Inevitably, his gaze was drawn back by her magnetic beauty. “I just want to know Lup. Why couldn’t you have told me?”

She fell silent and drew her hand back to fold it in her lap. “I don’t know. I’m sorry Barry, you deserve an answer… but, I don’t know. I guess it was out of spite for Taako always putting out those stupid missing persons reports. You had the faith that I’d come back, but he never did, he was so smug with those too. And I decided to leave for good just to show him and Lucretia said it’d be a good idea and she gave me ideas of where to go and how to get off the grid and everything and ...I don’t know.” She sighed. 

“I love Lucretia, I really do, but she’s too smart for her own good. Everything she says sounds like it’s the best plan ever ’cause she’s just that good at everything, even if in reality it’s a shitty idea. It took me four months to realize it was a stupid impulse and ‘Cretia just encouraged it, and by then, I was too prideful to really do anything about it. I kept saying ‘there’s no going back.”

Barry nodded, “But you’re back now.”

Lup managed a soft smile, “Yeah. Turns out I matured in these seven years, enough to admit I was wrong and come back to where I belong.”

“I’m glad. I missed you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was reading to my friend before i posted this and she was a bit disbeleiving that barry would be overcome with joy. she'd be mad if that happeed to her and so was taako, and all this and that. idk, maybe both reactions are a bit too extreme? fuck if i know


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a backstory, kind of cute kind of sad

_ To: t.kravitz@mail.com _

_ From: ravenmortuaries@mail.com _

_ Subject: Glamour Springs _

_ Kravitz, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there has been a tragic outbreak of arsenic poisoning in Glamour Springs, it’s a small town up north. Because they are so small, they don’t have a lot of resources to deal with the thirty deceased persons. Especially since it is to my understanding that the mortician up there is recovering from poisoning himself. Think you could drive up there and provide some support in dealing with the corpses? _

_ I’d appreciate it.  _

_ Raven Q. _

  
  
  


_ It had started with one email from his boss, and then a five hour drive in his sleek black car. So how did it end up with him sitting in the driver’s seat with this mass murderer in his passenger seat, holding onto a disposable coffee cup but never taking a sip.  _

_ Well, he knew exactly how this had happened in practicality. The would be celebrity was given a body guard courtesy of the district attorney’s office, but that man had needed a break from trying to stop the townspeople from hurling trash at the blond. So, he told Kravitz, the man that the citizens thanks with tears in their eyes, to stick next to him, in hopes that they’d counter each other.  _

_ Neither man had said anything for the past twenty minutes, they just went through the drive through of a starbucks and called it a day.  _

_ Eventually, it was Kravitz who spoke up, his morbid curiosity getting the better of him. Wasn’t that how he ended up in mortuary school instead of in a conductors class? “Why’d you do it.” _

_ It took a second for the slight man to respond in any form. He took a sip from the coffee and grimaced at how cold it had gotten. His voice was hoarse when he did finally answer, “I didn’t mean to.” _

_ Kravitz snorted and rolled his eyes, “How can you not mean to poison a town?” _

_ He sighed, “I’ve made the recipe a thousand times, never once did I mess it up. Not even when I was just starting and not careful. I’ve made it a fucking million times, but just once. Just once I mess up.”  He took another sip of the coffee, “This coffee fucking sucks.” _

_ Kravitz hummed and looked out the window. “I wouldn’t know, I don’t drink coffee.” _

_ The two fell into silence for another ten minutes before Taako broke it this time.  _

_ “Do you think I’m a monster?” _

_ This time, it was Krav’s turn to sigh and pause, “I think you should be in prison for life where you can never hurt anyone else.” _

_ “Same.” _

_ That caused the mortician to pause and look at the man, noticing he had finally taken off his gaudy sunglasses to rub at his blood shot eyes. “Then why aren’t you in prison?” _

_ He shrugged, “It wouldn’t do anyone good. I mean, sure, I wouldn’t hurt anyone any more, but like, it’s not going to do anything. Paying an absurd amount of money is for the best. I can pay for the expensive funerals and try to help the grieving families, and pay for the medical relief they all need, I can help. I’m really sorry, I genuinely am. Most rich people would just pay because it’s easier.” _

_ A sigh followed, “That’s one thing they don’t tell you about being rich, laws don’t apply to you the same. You just pay your way out and say ‘sorry’. Like fucking Martha Stewart, she interfered with the law at a fucking federal level, and she got put up in a nice cushy prison for a few months or some shit. Had it been anyone else, they would just disappear. Where’d uncle go? Oh, he went to guantanamo bay for lying to the FBI, we just have to pretend we don’t remember him, now hush timmy, the CSA is listening.” He rolled his eyes and downed the last of his coffee.  _

_ Kravitz let out a soft ‘Oh.’ and tried to fall back in to a less comfortable silence.  _

_ But Taako wasn’t having it, “You’re allowed to hate me still.” _

_ “I didn’t say—” _

_ “No, you didn’t say you hated me. But you thought I was a monster who deserved to be in prison, and you’re still right. I killed  _ **_thirty_ ** _ people, I’m still a monster, even if I feel regret.” _

_ He was silent for a second, “You’re not a monster Taako, you’re a human. And it was a mistake.” _

_ “Pretty fuckin’ big mistake.” _


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive had this chapter for a while, never really posted it, so here you go

To get one thing straight, Taako wasn’t there because he wanted to be. Lucretia had insisted he go along with everyone else on the fucking planet, but it was mostly Lucretia. 

Over the phone, she said something about wanting to see how he was dealing with something, Taako didn’t remember. It all sounded fuzzy when she said it, but regardless, she wanted to see him, she even offered to drive him and watch Angus so Kravitz could come. 

But, he didn’t take her up on that. Kravitz didn’t want to go to a dinner party that was clearly meant for a close knit group of people. There were only ten or so people bumming around Lucretia’s gorgeous house, including Taako who was sitting with a glass of wine in hand, Lucretia by him as the rest of the group mingled. 

“Taako, can I ask a few questions.” 

He shrugged, “Why the hell not. I’m on my way to getting hella plastered, so I might not have all your answers. But whatever, ask away.”

She smiled softly at his attitude. “First I want to ask about Barry. Do you remember him, we did put a lot of information about him in there.”

He furrowed his brows, “Put what where?”

She shook her head and quickly jotted down something while maintaining eye contact. “Never mind. Do you recognize that man?” She gestured across the room to a chubbier man wearing an old t-shirt and sturdy denim jeans. His hand was resting on the small of the back of the woman he saw the other day. 

He shrugged, “Maybe. He has a lot of generic features, He kinda looks like Tom Arnold.” He paused a moment to hum, “Are they together? She could do so much better than him.” 

Lucretia nodded and wrote down a few more things, “What about her, recognize her at all?”

He paused but shook his head, “I feel like I’ve seen her before, but definitely not. I think I’d remember someone like that. She kind of reminds me of this crazy lady that came to my house the other day.” He trailed off and shook his head before finishing off his glass and pouring himself another drink. 

“Gods, I swear I’m not that drunk, but my head just feels fuzzy. Maybe I’m getting sick…” He put a hand to his forehead and looked back at Lucretia instead of the guests. “How do you know them again?”

She shrugged, “I worked with them when we were in Nasa.”

Taako nodded, “What department?”

“Same department. They were both in interplanetary exploration too, met and fell in love there.”

He frowned slightly, “Don’t remember them, don’t remember a lot of that time. It’s a cute relationship I guess.”

She nodded and continued to scribble in her journal, “One more question. Do you know Fisher?”

He glanced back up at the man wearing jeans, “Is that that guys name? I don’t know him.”

Lucretia frowned, “No, his name is Barry. I already asked you about him.”

He hummed, “You did? Oh. Like I said, I’m getting drunk. Who’s Fisher?”

Another note was scrawled onto her journal, “He’s a pet, I thought I introduced you to him before, but maybe not.”

He gave a fake gasp, “Lulu, I didn’t think you were an animal person. Let me guess, cat? Did our perfect little guys convince you?”

“You can say that. I’ll show him to you later.” She got up to join the rest of the guests, leaving Taako to his wine. Before she left, he managed to steal a look at what she had written down. 

 

_ S̷̫͛͝ǘ̸ͅb̶̤͓̚j̸̯̤̗̿e̵̖̯̍̚c̷̭͍̈́t̶̠̩͐ does not recognize the fiance of his sister whom he had a personal and professional relationship with previously. Even though this man was not the focus of the v̷̧̦̒͛̚o̵̢̦͝i̵̧̬̿͌͋d̴̦̯͕̈̄̑ ̷̜͋f̷̬̳͇͐i̸̪̍́s̸̡͎͈͒͛͝h̵͔͕͐̕'s serum, he was mentioned more than enough in his s̴̖̓̌̊͜ī̷ͅs̷̙̙̬̈t̸̰̜̆̈ę̵̱͋͝ͅr̷̝̈́̈́̄͜’s eulogy that he seems to have forgotten. _

_ Sṵ̵̍̔́ḅ̸͎̺͆͂j̷͈̠̥͋e̷͍͋͜c̴̛̮̀̕t̶̢̛̫͛͒ references a time he saw a woman ‘like’ his s̴̖̓̌̊͜ī̷ͅs̷̙̙̬̈t̸̰̜̆̈ę̵̱͋͝ͅr̷̝̈́̈́̄͜ the other day, though the woman he saw was in fact his s̴̖̓̌̊͜ī̷ͅs̷̙̙̬̈t̸̰̜̆̈ę̵̱͋͝ͅr̷̝̈́̈́̄͜ as she had called me later that day to complain about his aloofness.  _

_ S̷̫͛͝ǘ̸ͅb̶̤͓̚j̸̯̤̗̿e̵̖̯̍̚c̷̭͍̈́t̶̠̩͐ mentions how his head feels fuzzy when asked to recall information blocked by Fisher. _

_ F̸̺͉͗̎ȋ̷̤s̷̯̲͐͠h̵̖͚̱̎̂̉e̶̯̰͉͂͝͝r̷̜̆̄̆ seems to be able to erase evidence of his own tampering; s̶̟̈̅͌u̸̪͉̚ͅb̵̥̏j̷̫̙͆̔̄e̸̝̍͑c̴̳͗̚͝t̵͉̤̻̿̿͠ does not remember seeing nor feeding him. _

_ S̷̫͛͝ǘ̸ͅb̶̤͓̚j̸̯̤̗̿e̵̖̯̍̚c̷̭͍̈́t̶̠̩͐ shows symptoms of memory loss, forgetting information about the people he forgot mere minutes after being told. _

 

Boy, he really was getting drunk, even the parts that weren’t written illegibly were out of focus. God, he needed to lie down. Closing his eyes, he set the cup of wine far away and leaned into the plush couch behind him.

He didn’t manage to drift off before the soft conversations turned into clapping. 

He poked open an eye just in time to see the man he didn’t recognize slip a gorgeous ring onto the woman’s finger then for the two of them to kiss. Good for them.

He closed his eyes again only to be interrupted by someone sitting on the couch next to him. Again, he opened his eyes only to see that it was the man and woman who just got engaged, both of them looking expectant. 

He easily put on a smile, “Congratulations on your engagement.”

The man — Barold? —  corrected him, “Re-engagement.”

He nodded, “I’m glad you two got back together.” 

The couple paused before the woman spoke. “I’m glad to see you’re not mad anymore, Taako.”

He gave a nervous chuckle, “Taako? You know me from TV? And was I ever mad?”

She pressed her mouth into a thin irritated line, “Are we still playing this game?” 

Taako furrowed his brow, “What game? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She huffed, “You know, fine whatever, be this way. You can be mad at me all you want, but you could have at least apologized to Barry for getting him locked up, Like seriously taako?”

He shook his head, “I swear to god woman, nothing you’re saying is making any sense to me. I’ve never met any of you before today.”

“That’s a huge fucking lie. Can’t even keep your imaginary time line straight, can you? I visited you literally last week!”

He shook his head, “Like I said, I don’t know what you’re on about.” He stood up off the couch, moving to leave before she reached out and grabbed his hand.

He looked back, only for his eyes to meet her serious and scowling gaze. “Taako, I’m being serious, if you don’t stop this right now, I’m not talking to you ever again.”

Barry put a hand on her shoulder, “Babe, you’ll re—” She cut off him off before he could finish.

“Barry, I won’t. I’m serious, if that’s what it takes for je to get my brother back, then so be it.”

Again, Taako shook his head, “I seriously don’t know what this is about.” He walked away from the couple and over to Lucretia.

“Lulu, I’m drunk, I need you take me home.”

She nodded as Merle and Magnus gave him a bit of an odd look. 

Still, it was okay since Lucretia took him out and drove him home where he snuggled up to Kravitz and Ango and passed out. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we get some more of that sci-fi stuff. I'm finally earning that tag

_[Excerpt from 'Replicating the Souls of Lost Loved Ones’ written by Lucas Miller of the with commentary from the Good Death League]_

_The philosophers stone is largely regarded as thw only way to bring back a human life, and even excusing the idea of a sorcerers stone its understood that a human can not bring back a lost loved one. Immortality and resurrection have been sought after for years, yet no human has ever reached any results. It's impossible for my man to fix the problem of death. But a computer program can._

_To be more specific, I have developed a program to amalgamate all personality and knowledge of a person and recreate their conscience perfectly and without bias. It is impossible for an emotional being to assess a person without bias but a computer can. It is impossible for a man to know every single aspect of a human but a computer can, even with some difficulty._

_But by working closely with Dr. lucretia Miller and her recent experimentations with biohacking and memory alteration, I am able to extract everything from a human mind and convert it into code._

_This is not just a hypothetical. I have already had several deceased persons come back from the dead so to speak and live in a computer solely devoted to running the human code. And each one passes the turing test and is recognised by several of their family members and friends._

_With a bit more experimentation, Lucas Miller Soul Recovery will be a viable option to anyone looking to save a lost loved one._

_We at the Good Death League resent the practice of preserving a being. Not only is the process invasive but classist. It seems that the process of preserving a person's consciousness is extremely expensive and geared towards the elite. It also is unsecure. Seeing as these people are expressed through code, the code could be altered by anyone with a knowledge of computers. It is unethical to leave a person open to being tampered with by a biased human. Even if the code were locked, the practice is still unethical._

_Why should money dictate who gets to live forever. Why damn a person to a box where tjey can not see or hear or feel or touch or learn or grow. It is hardly a human existence, even if it is claimed that a human soul is in the code. It's impossible to verify if a human has a soul or that soul can be replicated in a code. And if it were true, it's unfair. Families will no longer mourn in a healthy way if they can just replicate their loved ones._

_All in all, there are several ethical grey areas in this practise, ranging for Damon a soul to excluding classes from this opportunity._

_We also have it on record that Lucas Miller used unconsenting deceased persons to run these experiments. Nor did the families of these persons consent. These experiments breach the code of ethics every scientist in the USA must follow. As such, we in the Good Death League call for an immediate end to these experiments, dismantling all previous AI made using the method, and a warrant placed upon Lucas Millers head. We all will be protesting and scheduling demonstrations until these demands have been met._

_\- Raven Queene, founder of the Good Death League  
_

_“Oh hey, its you!” A semi familiar voice caused Kravitz to turn around only to see a blonde man walking towards him with a shorter and taller man in tow._

_He stared a moment before connecting who it was, “Oh, you're that guy from glamour springs. The murderer.”_

_His face flushed and his grin faltered. “Yeah, I was gonna say the same thing. What are you doing here?”_

_“Protesting.” He gestured to the face paint and robes he was wearing. Several people around him had the same matching skulls but few had other grim reaper paraphernalia. “Are you guys here for that too? Susan has some extra face paint if you need.”_

_The tallest one shook his head, “No we're actually here with a different group. No skulls for us.”_

_“Oh, what group are you with?”_

_“It's hard to explain. I mean, our objective changes day to day but right now we're here to help Lucas.”_

_A large woman muscled up next to the three, “And by help, you mean stop. I'm going to punch him so fucking hard.”_

_A slight woman popped up next to her. This time, the new person in the conversation was one he recognised. She grinned at him, “Hey it's Krav!” Carrie took the hand of the larger woman, “I'd love to talk but we need to get go Lucas soon. Boyland's already in the building.”_

_She waved at him before tugging the other woman into the crowd towards the building the protesters were surrounding._

_“So you know Carrie?”_

_“Yeah, gay bar.” He looked over his shoulder, “Should you follow them?”_

_He shrugged, “Probably should. Still, I think we should catch up, maybe over dinner some time?” He held up a slight piece of paper to him, his phone number clearly written on it._

_The large man to his side rolled his eyes and started walking past the two._

_Cracking a smile, Krav took it, “Do you just carry around slips of paper with your number ready to hand out?”_

_“I’ll answer that question on our date. Right now I have to leave.” He strode forward to catch up with his coworkers._

_Chuckling, the mortician was tempted to call out to him and point out that his little flirt took more time to get out than just answering his yes or no question. But he didn’t, he just slipped the paper into his pocket and resumed protesting with the people around him._

_In the end, the protest was both succeeded and failed. But more than those shortcomings, Krav had a date at a Chug and Squeeze with a cute, morally gray idiot._


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i added another little scene to the last chapter, so go ahead and check that out. it's not vital, but kind of cute
> 
> this is a conversation heavy chapter, and it moves the plot forward slowly.

Taako had spent the majority of the next few days laying on the couch or otherwise lounging about the house. To be fair, he normally did that. He didn’t really do anything on an average day. He no longer had a career, he hardly had any hobbies to speak of, and he didn’t really cook or clean for his little family. He mostly just let things be and lounged, play lists of cooking ASMR videos queued up.

Still, he had even more of a reason than normal to lounge these last few days. He was sick. Or something. 

He had left the party feeling overly tipsy and fell asleep. The next morning, he was hung over in that fuzzy, uncertain kind of way. After that it was just a series of feeling off. Either it was low blood sugar, not enough sleep, or the beginnings of a head cold, or maybe all three. Still, his head was stuffed with cotton and he didn’t want to think about the reasons, that only made the fog thicker, so lounge he did. 

The Wednesday after the party, Angus approached him on the couch. “Sir?”

He smiled fondly at the boy, “Hi pumpkin. How was school.”

“Fine.” He shifted on his feet, “Can I talk to you.”

“Sure.” Sensing his hesitancy, Taako sat up and shut his laptop, moving it aside. “Want to come sit down?”

He shook his head, “No thank you,” he paused for a moment, “I just want to know why you keep hiding things from me?”

The blond pressed his brows together, “I don’t think I’m hiding anything from you.”

“You are. And I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but that’s stupid and patronizing. I’m the world’s greatest boy detective, and you can’t expect me not to know you’re hiding something if you keep shooing me out of the room.”

“Well Ango, most of the time when I shoo you out of the room, it’s because I’m getting dressed or I don’t need distractions.” That, or he was just annoyed with the boy.

“I know, but I also know the difference between that and when your voice is saccharine and you give me distractions.” 

Taako sighed, “I understand that. But I’m not hiding anything from you. Anything I would need to hide from you you could easily just find online or in Lucretia’s files. I’m a pretty open book, kid.”

“You are, except when you do something really shitty.”

He frowned, “Language. And everything shitty I’ve done is in the past, I’m not a shitty person anymore, and you know about every morally reprehensible thing I’ve done. We talked about this when you learned about the fire.”

Angus’ frown deepened, “I think that you choosing to be Aunt Lucretia’s test subject and not telling me is kind of rude. But I think your reasons for doing it are really sh-” He self corrected though his guardian had literally just used the same swear, “Crappy. I’m disappointed in you.”

Taako couldn’t help but let out a snort, “I’ve never been Lucretia’s test subject. And no offence, kiddo, but it’s not your job to lecture me.”

“Well someone has to do it.” He crossed his little arms “And you so were her test subject.”

“No I wasn’t,” He rolled his eyes gently, “How do you know this if I was trying to hide this from you like you say?”

“Aunt Lucretia was writing a report on it, and she sometimes forgets that I’m not a normal ten year old.”

He raised a brow, “Are you saying you looked at Lucretia’s files without permission? Did you break in to her computer? Angus, that’s not okay.”

A bit of color rose in his cheeks as he was scolded by the very man he was trying to scold, “I had to, sir! You were acting really weird for the past few weeks, even weirder than when your sister came back to town.”

“I don’t have a sister.”

“This is what I mean! No one seems to care enough to find out why you don’t remember your sister or if you have one and you made her up for a week or anything. It just looks,” his voice got softer and he sighed, “It just looks like no one else cares enough to figure these things out.”

He padded over to the couch and sat down next to Taako, “But I care. And I still think what you did was shitty even if you don’t remember it, and I think it’s stupid to try and ever hide anything from me, but I still care.” 

The boy fell silent and after a minute, he wrapped an arm around him. “Well I’m sorry. I don’t remember this but I’m sorry. And I can’t help but think I wouldn’t hide something from you without reason. Heaven knows I learned you’ll always be a nosy kid and find out everything about the known universe.” He joked but the boy didn’t crack a smile, he continued nevertheless, “All I’m trying to say Mango, is what if I kept a deliberate secret knowing I’d forget like you say I have, and let you unravel this mystery for me?”

He cracked a smile at that, “Seems like a heavy handed excuse.” 

Taako shrugged, “Might as well be, I don’t know. If I did volunteer to be a test subject like you say, I don’t remember, and I don’t remember shooing you away or why. So let’s just go with that explanation. So, Mr boy detective, what did you find about this mystery I so very clearly intentionally left for you?”

He rolled his eyes but still smiled at Taako’s now light hearted japes, “Well, I was reading Lucretia’s dissertation on the species of jellyfish she engineered, it was a logical follow up to reading her anthology of anthropology. But, she started writing about you and your sister. I don’t think she mentioned that she erased your memory of seeing her to have memories erased.”

He hummed, “Okay. But I don’t have a sister. I can admit I forgot I was a tested on, but I don’t think I could forget about having a sister. I’m an only child, and I have been since I was born. I’m not just going to forget about a secret sibling overnight.”

“But you do have a sister.” He reached into the pocket of his shorts, leaning awkwardly on Taako to do so, and pulled out a folded photograph. “I found this after looking in the spare room.”

He showed it to the man, causing him to frown deeply. It was a picture of him when he was younger, freckles and dark hair. He was dressed in just overalls and sitting on a wood fence around a pasture. Right next to him was an identical child, the only difference being the one he knew wasn’t him was missing a tooth. Her face seemed out of focus, but he could still see she looked exactly like him.

He gingerly took the photo, “I remember this… This was when I lived with my aunt. But, I…” he trailed off and stared at the photo longer. Eventually, he flipped it over to look at the back. Sure enough, his aunt’s hand writing dating the photograph proved its origin. 

Eventually, he pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead and handed the photo back to the kid. “This doesn’t make any sense.” 

Angus nodded and tucked it back into his pocket, “I don’t know everything yet either. There’s almost nothing about your sister anywhere, but they don’t call my the world’s greatest boy detective for nothing. I’m going to help you out of this.”

“Funny how you can go from being mad at me to being sentimental and helping.”

He shrugged, “I didn’t know everything before, and now I know more.”

With that, Angus slid off of the couch and stood in front of Taako, “I’m going to learn more about your sister and I’ll reread Aunt Lucretia’s paper’s to see if there’s a way to reverse this.”

“But Ango, I don’t have a sister.”

He sighed but smiled, “If not, you might still have a chance at a relationship with her. Short term memory loss isn’t the end of the world.” He walked off, leaving Taako to lay back down, only a few gaps in his recent memory of the conversation.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel deeply and profoundly alone. im hoping posting this can change that
> 
> so enjoy a buzzfeed unzolved type excerpt

_[Transcript of a True Crime podcast episode titled ‘The Phandalin Phire’]_

_Rian: Today we’re going to talk about a more recent event, and for once, not an odd murder or string of murders. No, today, we’re going to be talking about the Phandalin fire that occurred about two years ago._

_Sean: Oof, I wasn’t even alive back then. Wild._

_Rian: Oh shut up. Are you familiar with this fire at all?_

_Sean: Uh, sort of, there was a big fire and almost everyone died. People say that there was a bomb involved? Oh! You know that guy that’s saving people’s consciousness in computers?_

_Rian: What, nom, what guy? I think a lot of guys do that, what does that even have to do with the case?_

_Sean: I mean, yeah a lot of people talk about it, but like, he actually did it, there was this whole thing on it. That doesn’t matter, the point is that I think he uploaded the souls of a lot of the victims of the fire without permission and tried to write it off as a charity thing because he felt bad for the fire._

_Rian: Oh...kay? I feel like that’s not really that important._

_Sean: No, I guess its not. It was kind of weird and I’m saying it ties into the Phandalin fire because dead people._

_Rian: God, you’re so fucking creepy. Anyway, let’s get into this case._

_[Theme Song]_

_Rian (cont.): First, we need to get into the history of the city where this atrocity happened. Or should I say town? Phandalin originally started with a population of over 30,000 residents. That’s nowhere near the population of metropolises such as Goldcliff, but they were a respectable city with a respectable population. In fact, most things about Phandalin were respectable._

_The city was established in the late 1800’s as a mining town and quickly grew in population as the mountains nearby were thick with precious minerals. The mine has all but dried up today, but in its prime, it was a mogul of commerce._

_Sean: Mogul. That’s a funny word, reminds me of that bear from The Jungle Book_

_Rian: Mogli?_

_Sean: Yeah. Do you think he was a mogul?_

_Rian: Not really, he was lazy. I do think he was in a relationship with that panther though._

_Sean: Who doesn’t?_

_Rian: Anyway. Phandalin turned into a mining town and then a city, then back to a ghost town, and today, it’s a black circle of ash on our country map, though population specialists expected it to dwindle out by a few years anyway as even the founding family had fled its city limits for a new life._

_Sean: Oh? We know who the founding family was and they still have roots around today?_

_Rian: Yeah, the Rockseekers. They were a big mining family and played a really big part in the war with their industry and mines and all that. They were a big name back in the day, but I don’t know what they’re up to today. Well, I know what some of them are up to. Just remember the name Rockseeker, that will come up later._

_Sean: Okay, Rockseeker, I’ll remember that._

_Rian: So the Rockseekers were the first family to start mining and played a big part in the development of the town. But, as all respectable towns eventually do, Phandalin turned into a small, racist husk. It makes me less sad to see that a town that still had hate crimes in these years was taken out. One source said that on the very day the town blew up, there was a group of people within the city limits in the abandoned part of town forcing teenagers of color into cages._

_Sean: Oh that’s awful._

_Rian: Yeah, that’s real fucking shitty_

_Sean: What were they going to do with those kids?_

_Rian: I don’t know, sell them, kill them? I don’t want to think about it, but the reason we know this is because the kids escaped and their captors probably died in the fire._

_Sean: Good. I don’t like to say anyone deserves being killed, but if they were racist shits and it was natural causes, then I say good._

_Rian: Well it wasn’t totally natural causes._

_Sean: Fire’s natural._

_Rian: I mean, sure. But when you say natural causes, it means like old age. They died of fire._

_Sean: Well yeah, I get that, but like, they weren’t murdered._

_Rian: Well that depends on who you ask. We’re all split on whether or not it was an intentional act of fire or if it was an unfortunate accident. And we’re going to get into that._

_Sean: Okay, let’s._

_Rian: Alright, let’s. But first, we’re going to go over the timeline. So we mentioned the timeline of the city, of the rising and falling population and all that. But let’s get into that day. So at 8AM, three strangers show up, they go to one of the last open businesses, the pub in center street, and talk to the two strangers that arrived last night. Those two strangers are less strange though. One is a unnamed man who was working for a man named Gundren Rockseeker, the other man, who came to see the old mine._

_Sean: Okay, so that’s the Rockseeker you were talking about._

_Rian: Yeah. So he was coming back to see the mine. He’s dead now, but while he was alive, we know that he thought he was the rightful inheritor of the mine, and I think he was but it’s unclear. The Rockseekers have or had a very big family. But he went to claim the mine, and he thought that there was untapped veins or just a lot of untapped worth in there. He told a lot of the people in the bar that he was going to resurrect the town and get filthy rich._

_Sean: Now, how do we know this? I thought everyone in the town died._

_Rian: No, there were a few survivors that told news sources a lot. The three strangers survived, those teenagers, and one or two more people from the town._

_Sean: You know fair, that was kind of a stupid question. Continue._

_Rian: So Gundren was in town to check out the mine. He had this guy working for him, we don’t know his name. But this guy contracted three other people to help him look into the mine, to assess it’s stability and worth. They all leave in the morning after breakfast to check out the mine. So they’re out of town for about twelve hours._

_We don’t know exactly what happens in the min, but around seven PM, those racists we mention kidnap two teenagers and coral them into a cage and drag them to the deserted part of town. At eight, the mine crew comes back. Gundren is leading the group, and he’s running. He’s incoherent. We don’t know what happened in the mine, but it apparently drove him mad._

_Sean: Or, he was already mad. I don’t think he was the next in line for a dead mine, even if he was, it’s dead. He thought it was valuable, but it’s dead. People have pronounced it a useless mine. All mines are eventually dead._

_Rian: That’s true. It is officially dead, but it is very pretty. There’s no real worth there, but man, I’ve seen pictures. It’s a very pretty relaxing place._

_Sean: Yeah, but he probably thought he could find gold. And he was an idiot, or crazy from the beginning. And none of the others went crazy, right?_

_Rian: I don’t think so. We don’t know about his permanent employee, he died like, immediately. I couldn’t even find his name, he’s dead. He could have been crazy._

_Sean: Yeah, but I don’t think so. I think this guy was always bonkers._

_Rian: Probably. But the point is, he runs into town, past the teens and he’s quickly followed by his unnamed employee, and then by the three freelancers. The three guys get into a fist fight with the captors of these teenagers and free the guys._

_Sean: Good for them, I respect those guys._

_Rian: Eeeeh._

_Sean: Should I not? Did they set the ftown on fire._

_Rian: Maybe. We don’t know. They are definitely suspects._

_Sean: Well, they’re not racists, so that’s fine._

_Rian: Yeah, it’s fine if you burn down an entire town but aren’t racist, you’re still fine fellows._

_Sean: Exactly._

_Rian: Whatever. So these three get to town, and Gundren is standing in the town center. We think that the other man was going around telling people to hide or run, he knew something was going down and died trying to save people._

_Sean: But he didn’t save the teenagers._

_Rian: No, no he didn’t. But he saved more people than just a few kids. It’s a grey area._

_Sean: Yeah, I guess it is a grey area. But we know this guy didn’t blow up the town._

_Rian: Yeah, we know he’s not the culprit. But that brings us to the point, we don’t know who started the fire, if it was a simple act of arson, or if it was a bomb or what. We generally agree with the fact that it was an act of terrorism, and it was terrible._

_Sean: Okay, so the culprits are the three strangers and Gundren Rockseeker._

_Rian: Exactly. Let’s talk about motive for these guys, starting with Gundren. So we already know that he maybe wasn’t really sane. And he wouldn’t blow up the town unless there was nothing left in the town for him. He might have been shown in the mine that there was nothing. It was also considered that he was a bit racist. And the teenagers who escaped their captors actually antagonized the clearly angry and maybe crazy dude._

_Sean: Yeah, well kids will be kids. Teenagers are always shit._

_Rian: I wasn’t._

_Sean: Yes you were, don’t lie. Every teenager is a piece of shit._

_Rian: Maybe. But some people think that he, mad from the mine, and angry at this kid, decided to blow the whole thing up._

_Another idea is that he was going crazy with heavy metal poisoning. The interior of the mine actually had a stream and a pond that’s very very clear. It started to form after mining stopped and grew since. The mining actually let more water in and this pond to grow. There were also some toxic mushrooms in the cave._

_Sean: Okay, this makes me think that there’s something important about the mushrooms, cause like, mushrooms are always in caves._

_Rian: No in abandoned mine caves, there’s no growing dirt there._

_Sean: Fine, maybe not. Is there something important with the mushrooms?_

_Rian: Yeah. You’re too keen to my tricks. Yes the mushrooms are important. They grew in an environment with a lot of residual heavy metals where they were growing. The mushrooms and the water were both very toxic. And he might have eaten or drank the poison and that caused him to go crazy._

_Sean: That takes time though._

_Rian: Well, he might have been visiting the cave a lot though, he loved that mine._

_Sean: Then why did he go down with four other dudes to check it out._

_Rian: Yeah, your right. I don’t buy into it, but it is fun to note that this beautiful and poison ecosystem was made out of an abandoned mine._

_Sean: Okay. That is kind of poetic._

_Rian: Yeah. The point I was trying to get at was Gundren maybe blew up the town with a bomb._

_Sean: I buy into that._

_Rian: I think that’s the most likely, but the next three culprits are a lot more interesting, especially since they have released statements._

_Sean: How can we not know what happened if they released statements._

_Rian: Well, we’ll get into that, right after the break.  
_

**Author's Note:**

> so it's a modern AU in which taako has adopted my boi angus. there is some scifi later on so it's tagged. 
> 
> question time! what is our favorite TAZ moment?


End file.
